I know that things are getting better as I don't need to release a ton of emotion in a journal on a daily basis.  I am trying to walk the talk instead of just going through the motions.  Or better yet it is a good case of I was faking it till I could make it.I am glad that I have been journaling each day as it shows me progress not perfection.  I am human and I don't need to be perfect but I do need to make progress.  Can't expect more than that.It really is quieter around here without my son and I miss him but I now he is having a ball at summer camp just being a kid.  He has needed to do that for some time now as the last year in this house has been more than hard, on him, and on the rest of us.  The girls, at 4 and 6, have much smaller needs and have more of my attention with him at camp.It is good to be able to focus on my needs and theirs and have some peace and quiet in the house.  A lot less bickering going on with two as opposed to three with needs that are so high.There are still times when I find myself having that ache of I miss him.  But that ache is I miss who he was before he started using drugs again.  I think that is normal and will always be there.  I know this because it was there before he overdosed.  The ache is less intense than it used to be.  It is good to have the energy to be more concerned about the life that is happening now rather than the life that is passed and behind us.  I am starting to find ways to put it in perspective and yet still keep it in memory for the kids.  They need to know who there Dad was and have a place for him in their lives.  I don't want them to forget him but I am hoping that they forget who he became in the end.  I think that may be easier for them to do than for me.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Good for you on progress not perfection. It\'s good to feel the positive energy in your entry. Keep up the good work.
deleted_user
deleted_user

So good to see you so peaceful!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Your a very strong and good person