The day is finally over.  The kids are in bed and no one is screaming tonight.  Maybe it was just a matter of time or they sense how very tired and sad I am today. I made it through court and didn't break down so that was good.  The judge didn't want to deal with the case and sent me to judicial review.  They made sure the paperwork was all filed and now I wait for the official paper to say I am executor.  His lawyer can sue me for legal fees and keep the escrow money if she wants to.  His Mother doesn't have to release his things either and I would have to take her to court.  I don't have the energy to deal with either one of those things.  I have time though as again I can't do anything until the appointment on paper comes in the mail.I went to work after court and it was good to have lots of paperwork to keep me busy.  I am so sad and angry and frustrated tonight.  I kept looking for him today and he wasn't there.  He should have been there but I knew he wouldn't have been.  But it didn't stop me from looking.My Mom was with the kids today and she cooked for them so it was nice to come home to not having to deal with dinner.  I just had to do the clean up.  I am lucky to have her and my Dad and they have been so wonderful to the kids and I.  It makes it harder for the kids to understand his family and how they can be so mean.  I can't even explain it anymore and am just grateful they won't have to be in our lives soon.All of this is teaching me how to let go and I was never very good at it and now I don't have a choice.  Thankfully I know I can hand it over to my higher power and someone else can hold on to it for the times when I can't.  Learning that I truly don't have control and keeping things in the day is hard too but it is what I have to do.