It's 7:05 pm and soon the kids will be going to bed and the screaming bed time routine will start. Maybe if I think positively they will behave and just go to bed the way I need them to. The last week the littlest one has been screaming until almost 10 at night and it has been exhausting. But she didn't nap at daycare today so maybe she'll be really tired for a change. I ended up having a productive day today and getting a lot of work done that had been hanging over my head. So maybe the screaming helped release some of it. And maybe it was the praying and giving it over to my higher power to hold for the day. I think it was equal amounts of both. Whatever works at this point I am willing to take.I know I have to go through tomorrow and my Dad will be with me so that will help a lot. Although I am not sure I can listen to him tell me one more time how much better my life is going to be once I get 'past' this. I know he means well and he loves me but it is hard for him to understand any of this. He is definitely a 'cut you off' if you hurt me type of person. I have never been fully able to understand that or do that. I think that is probably a good thing.I know that if I just fake it til I make it and have faith in what I can do that I might get through it as unscathed as possible. Although I am without question a different person than I was before he passed away. I am still trying to figure out who that person is and where she needs to be. I don't have to figure it all out today however and I will take things one at a time and just try and keep it in the day as much as possible. Thankfully I don't have the mental energy to leap ahead in a way that I normally would. That feels strange too.I know that God is not giving me more than I can handle and that is why I feel there have been so many obstacles to managing his estate. The obstacles are giving me the time I need to process some of it and it is slowing me down in a way that I wouldn't slow myself down. All part of the plan and I just have to hold onto my faith in that.
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Dear MarieAnn, it\'s so nice to hear you with such a positive attitude. It is cathching.
MarieAnn, you are truly a strong person in a very difficult situation. Your children are younger than mine, but I remember vividly the screaming thing and not going to bed. My youngest is now 6, but he still has bed wetting episodes that I know are emotionally related, not physical. He wet the bed for 2 weeks straight after Doug died. I have found even more closeness with God through this terrible ordeal, as strange as it may sound. Hang in there and I am with you 100%!!!!