Today is a hard day and I am not sure why.  Maybe because it is Sunday and it has been three weeks.  Maybe the shock is wearing off and the anger is setting in.  Seems as though I have been angry at him for at least a year.  A year of I want it to be better and yet more pills than any body should hav e been able to bear. Obviously his didn't, he is gone.And I am angry.  To be here on my own with 3 kids that don't understand why Daddy wasn't healthly.  He shouldn't have done that to us, to me.I am tired all the time.  The kids are just being kids and they need more from me than I have to give right now.  I see that and I know that.  I spent the entire year coping with the physical, emotional and verbal abuse scars that he left behind.  And now I deal with the grief and anger of him leaving and helping the kids cope.  He always wanted to take the easy way out of everything.  Always looked to me to clean up his messes.  The worst part is I have no choices in that regard, I have to do it or it hurts the kids.  I have to do it or it hurts me.Damn addiction and not being willing to take the steps to recovery.  He did it 20 years ago and there was no wife and kids and yet now that there are he walks away.  And blames me for every issue he couldn't deal with.  How is that my fault?  Why should it even be directed at me?  When does he get to be responsible for his choices?  I was just protecting all of us from getting hurt.I haven't had a drink in almost 20 years and I haven't smoked a cigarette in a year and a half.  Even if I wanted to, I don't, and I thought I could get away with it, I can't, it wouldn't change any of the choices that I now am left with or the path that I have to do down.I am just angry today and I wish I could make it all go away.