This journey is not one I wanted to take.  When Mike started using drugs again I had so much fear that this would happen.  It has become my reality.  He couldn't walk away from the pills and now he has left us all behind.The kids are hurting and aching and I am doing my best to help them through it.  But I can't help them as much as I need to or want to.  It is all I can do to get up and get my day started.I have to meet the financial planner today to learn about trust funds and insurance policies.  Thankfully we had that all in place and money is not a huge issue for us.He gave more to my life than he will ever know.  It was so much a part of what he was dealing with in the depression and why he was taking the pills.He was a great guy and tried to love us as best he could.  I wish we could have been enough to fill the empty spaces but we weren't.