Moving Forward
Good Morning All. This is another day of just rambling thoughts so I hope it makes sense.
Not much is going on in my life besides normal daily trudge! Get up go to work, come home, chores, bed. Start all over.
I did ask the wife last weekend what she wanted for Christmas and she looked at me and said, Let’s Just Don’t ! I said that I could not do that. So I did get out and get X-mas gifts bought. Now I’m just planning what I need to get done this weekend in regards to decorating the house for the oldest and grandkids, who will be here during the Holidays.
The wife for the most part is being less angry on a day to day basis, but too, a couple of times when she was in a bad mood instead of cowering quietly on the couch and watching TV, I did not worry about it! I got up and went outside or just went for a drive. So I have changed. I can tell the wife is scared of the impending filing for divorce after the holidays (As Am I). She is trying to be a little more accepting of when I do kiss her Hi or Bye. She now maybe touches my arm and lets her hand linger for a moment, and that is good. But this is something that in the past would suck me “back”. I’m not letting it do that to me now (well I still hope she really wants me as her companion, but it will have to be more to convince me now) I take the contact as deep friendship and do not push things. I am trying to look forward, not just sideways anymore.
I do have to admit that it is very hard to not become even lonelier than I have been. What makes it harder now is because I have allowed myself to think about the possibility of companionship, With Someone! Having a life of sharing the challenges of daily life, and yes sharing tender moments with someone who wants me as much as I want them! I have allowed my self to DREAM AGAIN. And those dreams do make me realize what I have missed, but also what I have gained by being who I am. Those years of struggle where for my girls, and they make me proud that I’m their Dad. And now They want me to be HAPPY. SO here goes the rollercoaster of emotions, doing what I was raised to think was the “Right Thing” and stay, Good or Bad. Or the other side : You can Only Do so Much and now it is time to Move Forward.
I AM CHOOSING TO MOVE FORWARD. If the wife wants to move forward with me, I will be ecstatic, and welcome her by my side. But if she does not start soon, I may be too far ahead!
Not much is going on in my life besides normal daily trudge! Get up go to work, come home, chores, bed. Start all over.
I did ask the wife last weekend what she wanted for Christmas and she looked at me and said, Let’s Just Don’t ! I said that I could not do that. So I did get out and get X-mas gifts bought. Now I’m just planning what I need to get done this weekend in regards to decorating the house for the oldest and grandkids, who will be here during the Holidays.
The wife for the most part is being less angry on a day to day basis, but too, a couple of times when she was in a bad mood instead of cowering quietly on the couch and watching TV, I did not worry about it! I got up and went outside or just went for a drive. So I have changed. I can tell the wife is scared of the impending filing for divorce after the holidays (As Am I). She is trying to be a little more accepting of when I do kiss her Hi or Bye. She now maybe touches my arm and lets her hand linger for a moment, and that is good. But this is something that in the past would suck me “back”. I’m not letting it do that to me now (well I still hope she really wants me as her companion, but it will have to be more to convince me now) I take the contact as deep friendship and do not push things. I am trying to look forward, not just sideways anymore.
I do have to admit that it is very hard to not become even lonelier than I have been. What makes it harder now is because I have allowed myself to think about the possibility of companionship, With Someone! Having a life of sharing the challenges of daily life, and yes sharing tender moments with someone who wants me as much as I want them! I have allowed my self to DREAM AGAIN. And those dreams do make me realize what I have missed, but also what I have gained by being who I am. Those years of struggle where for my girls, and they make me proud that I’m their Dad. And now They want me to be HAPPY. SO here goes the rollercoaster of emotions, doing what I was raised to think was the “Right Thing” and stay, Good or Bad. Or the other side : You can Only Do so Much and now it is time to Move Forward.
I AM CHOOSING TO MOVE FORWARD. If the wife wants to move forward with me, I will be ecstatic, and welcome her by my side. But if she does not start soon, I may be too far ahead!
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