Thanksgiving

Hi All,  I hope my friends and supporters here on DS are doing well.  OK, BIG STUFF this past week. Not sure how to put all the happening, feelings and emotions into words.  But in a nut shell:  Since I found the courage to speak to my wife about our relationship last month she became more moody and to me more ambivalent to anything I tried to do (this is what I felt).  She said I could see a counselor, which I did but then found out my benefits ran out after my last visit.  Feeling like very frustrated I found myself falling back into the depression and desperation of the past couple of years.  Then I from some strength from somewhere (all of my DS friends thoughts and prayers) and I decided that I could not let the progress I have made stagnate.  On Sunday night I again approached the wife and told her I needed clarification.  She tried to change the subject and wanted to leave but she was in the middle of prepping supper.  I asked her What I could do for her to help us be us again.  She looked at me and said there that there was nothing I could do, and that for her we were currently as much as we would ever be.  Well I said I need definite answers, nothing hanging, no probable’s.  Well after the Holidays we will be filing for divorce. We decided that if it is over and we both have different needs and that we want to stay friends, because there are too many good memories to lose and end up like her parents’ (together but always at each other ).  We will soon start looking at options of the 50/50 split. We decided that neither of us wants the other out of the house, for now. We have basically been living as roommates for better than 6 years, so financially why change right now until there is a need.  ( I well realize that my wife’s mood swings will take a great roll in this, but I have lived with them for 23 years).  Half of what I/we have put together will not be much, but today that does not matter.
I can’t say how much weight has been lifted from my soul.  This knowing of a direction in life has made my out look change.  I woke up happy and looking forward to the day. I know we both will have ups and downs, I still love and want my wife and she is afraid of losing her support and does love me (just not as a man-woman way).  But inside of me there is a feeling that now I know “I will not be alone”. There is a chance for me to have a companion that wants me as such too.   Please dont over judge me for having a direction, i am upset at myself for feeling glad knowing Im getting divorced, when that is what i have fought agenst for so long.
All please keep me in your thoughts because I know there will be hard days ahead and I will continue to need your advice, wisdom, and support.  The trail is headed up-hill, but now there is a path to follow.
Happy Thanksgiving to ALL!