David,

   These are all of the things I should probobly tell you, but I won't. Ever. There are a lot of things you can't say or do to me. You can't say words like 'ever' or 'never'. Because those words have a lot of impact. They are promises, and I can't think of one promise that's been made to me that hasn't been broken. I'm sort of fucked up because of this. And when I say fucked, I mean fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccckked.
   You can't stand behind me. You can't touch a certain spot on my right thigh. You can't tell me I have a beautiful smile. You can't hug me. You can't lay with me in my bed. you can't ask what happened the day before. If you do these things my heart rate will exellerate, my thighs will start to burn and my brain will feel like it's about to burst out of my skull, but I won't let it show.
   See, someone got here before you. They fucked up my insides, and now I'll never be the same. He made me realize those words, 'ever' and 'never' are just words. Bullets in a loaded gun. Reay to shoot, ready to kill. This is why I don't want you in my heart, only in my jeans. To me, you don't have a heart or a brain, just a body. And that's how I want you to see me. Like nothing's ever hurt me, that I just appeared one day and decided that you would be the one who would take the last peice of my childhood I have left. That you would be the one to ruin me in the best way.
   I know I am worth more then this, but I don't want to aknowlage it. I'm not ready for love yet, and who knows if I'll ever be. So for now, objectefy me. Use me, because hey, all I want to do is use you. I promise I'll leave before you wake up in the morning. I won't leave you a note on your pillow that starts, "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you..." I won't leave a trace of me behind. Just a memory and possibly a stiff muscle. Because if I stayed, we would talk and I would make you breakfast. We'd make memories and stories to tell. Then I might actually start to like you. And then, sooner or later, I'd break my own heart.