Well, the closing on the house is coming up in 2 more days.  Hurrah!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to get it over with.  The moving part that is.........  Had a Big Big Huge Huge Panic attack this morning.  That's why my green smiley is now yellow, just okay.  I am reluctant to change it to an unhappy face.  I refuse to be unhappy.........  I was on my way to work, and I guess sort of dwelling on what ifs........Stopped for the routine, half decaf half regular hazelnut coffee, this time a different convenience store, entered, went in to the back where the coffee was, grabbed the cup, felt a wave of nausea and dizziness, then BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! White flames crawling up my insides to my head....Fast and Furious, I couldn't stop it, looking back, i don't think i was trying to stop it with the many coping skills i've learned in Cognitive courses.........I just tried to get back to my truck before loosing control, trying to get back to the front door of this Shell Foodstation.  I felt like I was going to fall out or something.......I knew when i woke up, I wasn't exactly ready for the day........so, i had already taken the half xanax i keep mentioning.  Then, realizing that I was only slowly getting better, i drove the rest of the way to work, and rushed in to grab some water to take the other half of the xanax.  I remained shakey and sort of depersonalized for about two hours, then I was okay.  I stayed at work, and feverently tried to ignore the symptoms,  eventually, I prevailed.  I made a doctor's appt yesterday but it's not going to work for them until the 8th of Aug.  which I guess is okay.  I have pvc's striking me, and I'm hoping that they go away soon.  You see, i had an echo two years ago, and a holter monitor because i was convinced i had heart problems.  the echo showed many many pvc's but harmless.  however, for some reason, my panic seems to bring them to light for me.  i almost usually don't notice them, but when i am in panic mode, i can't help but notice.  with the heart palpitations that are assoiciated, i feel evey skip, and it skips often like every other beat sometimes for hours.  incidentally, sometime for panic or anxiety prone individuals xanax is used for pvc's...........i am going to ask to be thoroughly checked out again, so i can relax. that is hopefully, if all is still okay with my heart.      joy, more doctor bills.  i am still just a bit shakey as it is now after 12 the next morning. blah...............i hate taking the xanax, it scares me shi!!ess to think that i may be needing them more.   Hope all of you are doing well tonight.  I read more than I write, so please keep writing...........enjoy hearing from all of you.