Not a good day for me. I've tried to make the best of it though. Have felt bad all day, woke up at 5 am after only going to bed at 2 am to a throbbing toothache. yes, stupid me, I stopped the antiobiotics because they made me anxious. Somehow, got mild releif for long enough to sack out again until 11 40 am which is at least 3 hours later than I've slept in months. Then felt the underlying anxiety all day long. Fill a little dissassociated. could be worse though, came to this site tonight to get strength.
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What type of anxiety feeling do you usually have during a nornmal day?
Does what someone says or does aggravate it. I want to understand this a little better. Sorry about the toothache.
if someone comments that i look tired, which i hear a lot, that can set me into anxiousness. usually, i have the underlying butterflies in my stomach and feel as those i am somewhat dissassociated. if i focus in on something i am doing instead of how I feel, it tends to fade a little. sometimes jittery....with a tense type of feeling like i am going to lose control or something, not like anger, but like fear. sometimes have feeling like i am 40 and the underdog, or not doing as well as many other 40 year olds. Raymond, i just want to be normal. I feel normal for months at a time, sometimes, it seems, but then it hits and i don\'t think i am headed for panic now, but i sure fear something. i can\'t put my finger on it, and if i try to, then it intensifies my underlying paranoia. i don\'t know if you read about my ear creases or not, but i find myself unable now to talk to any of my customer\'s at work, without looking to see if they have them, then of course realizing that most don\'t i get dwelling on this too. i can\'t stop building the wall of distress. and, i don\'t want to be like this. I have become subservient to this demon like, and if i fight it, i lose.
i am jealous of those who\'ve got it made. i am envious of those who did little and receive in abudance, all my life, i wanted to be buff like my twin brother, who has faults of his own, but no matter how hard i worked for it, it never happened. i kept trying and trying for years to do and be better. I have my benefits, and I am aware of them, but they are not generally things that i admire others for having, and i just seem to want to find a thing i can do well at this point, and I just don\'t know the how or what or anything. i guess i do suffer from some degree of depression.