Sigh

 I had a d&c last Tuesday and I still feel like it was just yesterday that it happened. My boyfriend keeps telling me I need to move on but I just feel I need more time as it has only been a little over a week. My sister had her 2nd baby yesterday and I went to visit her and her baby and I was not as happy as I was when she had her 1st. That mde me feel awful almost sick inside because I want to be happy but i'm finding it hard to be not that I don't want to be but I just can't seem to undertsand why I lost mine... why me? and I still feel it is my fault although everyone even my doctor says it's not. I just want to know why and it kills me to know that I will never get an answer. Everyone says it was probably for the best because their cold have been something wrong with the baby but what if it was me what if I did it how does anyone know?... I just want answers :(