missing him
I'm really doing good. Keeping busy & reconnecting with family and friends. But i miss him. I don't want to miss him. I know this feeling will fade. I just want to call him or text & say I miss you. I won't. I know nothing good could come from it.
At night when I'm trying to sleep I see his face like it was the last night I saw him - so sad, so broken. Or I recall him screaming terrible things to me. I often dream that I've gone back to him and that my family is so upset with me.
I just want him to be okay. I just want him out of my brain.
It's been over 2 months since I left. Almost 2 weeks since I've heard from him.
NEVER RUN BACK TO WHAT BROKE YOU.
I won't. I just needed to write this down. Maybe it will help me let go.
At night when I'm trying to sleep I see his face like it was the last night I saw him - so sad, so broken. Or I recall him screaming terrible things to me. I often dream that I've gone back to him and that my family is so upset with me.
I just want him to be okay. I just want him out of my brain.
It's been over 2 months since I left. Almost 2 weeks since I've heard from him.
NEVER RUN BACK TO WHAT BROKE YOU.
I won't. I just needed to write this down. Maybe it will help me let go.
Replies
Thinking of you hon. I think our brain processes a lot of emotions while we are asleep and it can give us nightmares sometimes. I hope this eases up soon. Sending you hugs x
Thinking of you. I am here for you. I feel what you feel so much. It\'s been 20 days since we\'ve spoken. I miss him so much. But I don\'t miss him telling me he\"ll \"bury me\". It\'s so hard my friend. I\'m here for you
Hang in there, the missing part is hard to get past. Speaking from experience, IF you make contact, it just sets you back and you start all over. I still fight the urge to make contact with my ex almost every day and it\'s been over a year since he left.
I find it very helpful to journal. I have also started an affirmation book of quotes and positive sayings that I read when I feel that darn urge to reach out. I am on 13 days of no contact, but maybe that isn\'t accurate because he sent me a happy birthday text on Fri and of course I responded, but I\'m sticking to my 13 days because I DIDN\"T reach out first........as tempted as I\'ve been, arggghhh. Per my counselors suggestion I have set a target date of May 1 of going NO contact so that helps me stay focused when I get tempted to go see him or to just send a text. It sounds kind of silly but it has really helped me and keeps me moving forward. I too want mine out of my head, I want him to be ok and I want him to be happy with his life. He is all alone yet that is what he chooses. My counselor also said that with my longing for him I will have a hard time moving on until he does and I believe that is true. I find it very difficult to live my life knowing he is out there, alone. Here is one of the affirmations from my ever growing collection:
You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, I dont care how hard this is, I dont care how disappointed I am, Im not going to let this get the best of me. Im moving on with my life. You must make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair, you will do more than simply survive. You will thrive in spite of it. ~Joel Osteen.
Hugs!!!!
sorry for the add on, but just got this e-mail that I wanted to add to my already long post:
Letting go is part of moving on to something better. You will not get what you truly deserve if youre too attached to the things youre supposed to let go of. Sometimes you love, and you struggle, and you learn, and you move on. And thats OK. You must be willing to let go of the life you planned for so you can enjoy the life that is waiting for you.
K, I\'m done now...for today :)
You know, I feel ya with this. It\'s been since 2007 since my divorce to the man that abused me most, and I still miss him and have dreams of him. I wake up and I do not have a good day that day. I have to remind myself that I am glad I am not dealing with his issues any longer. The love is still there and I cant explain exactly why so I blame it on my sick brain. ha ha.... there is no other reason I should love this man...he did not show me or my kids the love we deserve.