Day 10
I am doing better emotionally. The lows are not so low and they don't last as long. I am missing him, but I've been missing him for a long time before I left him.
I was "allowed" to go pack my stuff at his house the past two days (hmmm, thought it was my place too). He was cordial, distant, rude & nice. A bunch of things, as usual. He did say he wanted everything out by Saturday & he lifted all the heavy stuff due to my recent surgery. He said that he had not shed one tear over this. That hurt a bit, but I just said that's good, you know where you're at then.
Then last night his son called. The same son that told me I would eventually get hit if I went back to him. This son was very upset that we really aren't getting back together. My X has 2 grandsons, ages 5 & 5 months. The oldest considers me a grandmother to him. His son was so upset as to "what will I tell Carl?". "How can we come see dad when you're not there?" I told him, that I just can't do it anymore & that he knows why. I can still see their family, but yes it won't be the same. I was just thinking that at 5 years old, Carl will soon see Grandpa drunk enough times and then he will need to explain something else to him.
I also heard from another "friend" who thought that I "knew what I was getting into when I went back to him last time", that I "should have put off having surgery so soon after his mom's death because it would be to much pressure for him" & that he has "done so much for me, how can I leave him?" Wow - she gets a big F.U. from me.
Soooo - I need to get a storage & moving van for Saturday. I'm hoping it's all done by noon. I'm hoping I will be able to get my own apartment in a few weeks. Living with my daughter, son & grandson is fine, but their little, normal, sweet family doesn't need me in the spare room & it also makes me sad. I'm so happy for them, but I never had that. Not in my marriage, nor in this last relationship. Don't think I will be looking around ever again.
I was "allowed" to go pack my stuff at his house the past two days (hmmm, thought it was my place too). He was cordial, distant, rude & nice. A bunch of things, as usual. He did say he wanted everything out by Saturday & he lifted all the heavy stuff due to my recent surgery. He said that he had not shed one tear over this. That hurt a bit, but I just said that's good, you know where you're at then.
Then last night his son called. The same son that told me I would eventually get hit if I went back to him. This son was very upset that we really aren't getting back together. My X has 2 grandsons, ages 5 & 5 months. The oldest considers me a grandmother to him. His son was so upset as to "what will I tell Carl?". "How can we come see dad when you're not there?" I told him, that I just can't do it anymore & that he knows why. I can still see their family, but yes it won't be the same. I was just thinking that at 5 years old, Carl will soon see Grandpa drunk enough times and then he will need to explain something else to him.
I also heard from another "friend" who thought that I "knew what I was getting into when I went back to him last time", that I "should have put off having surgery so soon after his mom's death because it would be to much pressure for him" & that he has "done so much for me, how can I leave him?" Wow - she gets a big F.U. from me.
Soooo - I need to get a storage & moving van for Saturday. I'm hoping it's all done by noon. I'm hoping I will be able to get my own apartment in a few weeks. Living with my daughter, son & grandson is fine, but their little, normal, sweet family doesn't need me in the spare room & it also makes me sad. I'm so happy for them, but I never had that. Not in my marriage, nor in this last relationship. Don't think I will be looking around ever again.
Replies
\"I\'ve been missing him for a long time before I left him.\" I SO know what you mean. It\'s also interesting to read how other people seem to want you to go back for THEIR benefit. Does anyone understand that you need to act for YOUR benefit?? Good on you for your F.U. to your \"friend\" -- with friends like that, who needs enemies!