Long Day
Long day, a good & bad day. An empowering, sad, encouraging and dangerous day.
I told him I'm done. He took it well at first. He said he was done also. He apologized for screaming in my face and then said "but I got control of myself". He went on to put me down in many ways and say he also wanted to end it. I was not hurt by what he said. For this, I am so grateful. I knew he would try to make me feel bad about myself. Didn't work. I didn't respond. He can say & think what he likes about me. He agreed to end it and to give me a few weeks to get my stuff out. That is what I wanted from the conversation and I got it. (Yay) I'm not sure that he really is done with me though. We've done this before.
I told my daughters. I had good and honest conversations with them. I told them that I was going to do everything I can to keep away from him and to rebuild my life. Told them that I did not want them to worry about me. They both said that I seemed to be doing so much better than the times we broke up before.
His son called me tonight. His son is a wonderful young man. He talked to me for quite a while. His son told me to stay away. He knows how screwed up his dad is when he drinks. His son said "I care about you. I love my dad, but if you go back to him, he will hit you. He hit my mom when he got too drunk. It's only a matter of time before he hits you." wow
I'm feeling stronger. I can't help him. Not my job anymore. I'm sad for him, but I know I can't help him.
I told him I'm done. He took it well at first. He said he was done also. He apologized for screaming in my face and then said "but I got control of myself". He went on to put me down in many ways and say he also wanted to end it. I was not hurt by what he said. For this, I am so grateful. I knew he would try to make me feel bad about myself. Didn't work. I didn't respond. He can say & think what he likes about me. He agreed to end it and to give me a few weeks to get my stuff out. That is what I wanted from the conversation and I got it. (Yay) I'm not sure that he really is done with me though. We've done this before.
I told my daughters. I had good and honest conversations with them. I told them that I was going to do everything I can to keep away from him and to rebuild my life. Told them that I did not want them to worry about me. They both said that I seemed to be doing so much better than the times we broke up before.
His son called me tonight. His son is a wonderful young man. He talked to me for quite a while. His son told me to stay away. He knows how screwed up his dad is when he drinks. His son said "I care about you. I love my dad, but if you go back to him, he will hit you. He hit my mom when he got too drunk. It's only a matter of time before he hits you." wow
I'm feeling stronger. I can't help him. Not my job anymore. I'm sad for him, but I know I can't help him.
Replies
wow, you sound very positive, you are on the right track. The toxic part of your relationship (your missing and loving him) will try and sneak in, don\'t let it. Stay away from that, only look forward. We can\'t help them as much as we want to, as much as we love them and yes, we will be sad for them but they need to help themselves. You\'ve tried countless times and you keep ending up in the same place, further damaged from his actions. This is your time to fly and so take this opportunity to move on. Every time you think of the good in him (and you will, trust me) force yourself to remember a bad time. Someone in another group told me to follow through with the memory, as you\'re thinking about the good thing somewhere a bad thing is associated with that same memory, I\'ve been trying that when I think about my ex and it really helps.
Hang on, it will be a rough road but I believe you\'re ready and your time is now. Hugs and prayers!!!!!