Thursday
Ss it's 4:30 a.m. & I'm awake again. I'm still feeling yucky but not worse, so thi may not be too bad of a bug. I'm hoping.
As I checked the fridge this morning- looks like he drank 18. 18 beers -OMG. He was drunk & rambling by 8 last night. I just said I was sick & had to go to bed. He didn't get mean. He didn't explode. I guess that's good. He woke me when he came to bed at 2:00 to ask how I was. So he got tanked last night & I managed to avoid the crap. This is good, right?
He is so sad. so damn sad. He is smart, funny, talented and can be so wonderful. Why does he have to do this?
I am feeling the urge again this morning to talk to him. To try to to tell him what his drinking is doing to him, to me, to us. The truth is though that has never worked. It only makes him angry & then he attacks. Also I don't even think I would want to stay if he were to agree on rehab or any kind of treatment. I know longer believe he can change his drinking.
So again, I will try to focus on me. Try not to get hooked on his drama & realize I'm putting out my own drama. Acting the long suffering girlfriend of this tortured man. I don't want to be that. I believe we codependant get hooked on the drama, as well as the addict.
So now I will go try to sleep for a bit on the couch. Later I will do what I need to. I don't know anything else right now.
As I checked the fridge this morning- looks like he drank 18. 18 beers -OMG. He was drunk & rambling by 8 last night. I just said I was sick & had to go to bed. He didn't get mean. He didn't explode. I guess that's good. He woke me when he came to bed at 2:00 to ask how I was. So he got tanked last night & I managed to avoid the crap. This is good, right?
He is so sad. so damn sad. He is smart, funny, talented and can be so wonderful. Why does he have to do this?
I am feeling the urge again this morning to talk to him. To try to to tell him what his drinking is doing to him, to me, to us. The truth is though that has never worked. It only makes him angry & then he attacks. Also I don't even think I would want to stay if he were to agree on rehab or any kind of treatment. I know longer believe he can change his drinking.
So again, I will try to focus on me. Try not to get hooked on his drama & realize I'm putting out my own drama. Acting the long suffering girlfriend of this tortured man. I don't want to be that. I believe we codependant get hooked on the drama, as well as the addict.
So now I will go try to sleep for a bit on the couch. Later I will do what I need to. I don't know anything else right now.
Replies
I hope you feel better and I hope you get some rest. I don\'t like to hear myself giving out advice, so here\'s a hug.