Tuesday

So my anxiety level was already escalating today as I was driving to work. I'm having a really hard couple of weeks for some reason, I just can't shake it off. Then I finally get enough courage to get to work and get out of the car when the prego girl at work is walking to her car with a big pink gift bag with a pictures of strollers and bottles on it. She saw me and started walking faster and said "Oh hi I'm just putting something in my car." She's having a girl in Nov. (she also has 5 kids at home), but my baby girl is gone. It was like an arrow pierced my heart, I wanted so badly to turn around and go back home. I hate everyone right now, I wish I could move to a place where nobody knows what happend to me and I can pretend it never happened.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

You just recently passed a huge milestone - your due date! It makes sense that the couple of weeks surrounding that date would be hard, so don\'t beat yourself up. Right now you should have a newborn at home so it\'s ok to feel like you are in a little funk.

Just hang in there - you\'ll make it through these next couple days, and eventually the week will be over. I\'ll be thinking of you.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh honey, I know exactly what you feel. I am going on 9 months since Carly and I still have those moments. They come in waves and really feel like I am getting hit by a big Mac Truck. BAM!!! Sometimes they come for a few days and sometimes for a few weeks. It is a funk that you can not shake. From what I have read, you just have to face them. Don\'t ignore them, avoid them, you just have to get through them. These moments are also milestones. These experiences while horrible are what helps to thicken our skin and make us stronger in some sort of way. I think it is always going to hurt seeing a pregnant woman or a Mom with her little girl. However, we will make it. We will hate it, but we will make it. We have the most precious angels right there with us to to get through these pain stricken waves and horrible experiences. Whenever I walk by a pregnant woman, I just grab my necklace really tight and say I love you Carly. It seems to make it pass with a little less pain. (I have a half of a heart necklace with a saying on it and Carly has the other half with her.)

Ultimately, I wish it was so different for all of us and none of us were here. I am so sorry, hang in there, Stacy