I have tried a few times to make a Journal entry, but lately things are just not very happy for me. Seems like my daughter has turned into someone I don't even know anymore. I haven't seen her since early May of this year when she came over for a cook out,and we had the best time together and I enjoyed her company that day so much. It's hard for me to enjoy anything since whatever this condition is that has took over my body and my life,but that was a good day. She hasn't been back since and now she has even took our phone conversations away from me. Back in early September I called her up like I do each day just to check on her to see how she is doing and just to talk to her a little. She is always on her computer and I try not to bother her since it seems she doesn't like to talk sometimes when she is busy online. On this particular day she was extremely rude to me and I just told her she didn't have to talk to me if she didn't want to and I just hung up. Since that day,she hasn't called me and I have tried calling and she won't answer the phone and if she does, picks it up and hangs up on me. Recently; a couple of days ago, I hadn't called over there and just got really worried about her and was just lonely to hear her voice and I called a couple of times and then she picks up the phone ad screams into the receiver to quit calling and slams the receiver down. I was so shocked I couldn't believe what I was hearing and when I called back, she picks up the receiver again and screams in it, "I will call the cops" and then slams the receiver back down. She has sent me several really nasty e-mails also and she has did this in the past allot and it is like a constant pattern with her. I know this time, I feel different, I feel numb,but it is been easier to deal with and my anger is helping me in some strange way, I guess that I'm just fed up with her treating me like a piece of trash instead of her mother. It has been so difficult over the years since this has went on for awhile. I feel like moving out of state just for a change and to get away from this sadness here that I have to face everyday. Halloween was when my father past away when I was 17 years old and it was also his favorite holiday as it is mine,and I loved celebrating it with my daughter when she was a little girl and then as she grew up we would watch spooky movies all month long in October every year. I have did my best to be a good mother to her but aparently she just doesn't want me anymore since I got sick.
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