lonely

I'm sick and alone.
It's a great great loneliness. My choice, my way, my path... all lead me to this loneliness. I only know that I have to continue.
I don't have religion. I don't believe in destiny. I don't believe in future. I only have hopes that I'll achieve goals, one by one. And I wonder whether I'll be less lonely once I get there?
I think about my ex(es) and their promises that were never fulfilled. One promised that he'd be there whenever I'm sick. Now... I'm not sad, just: "oh, men, I already knew it".
Keeping up to what I settle for: confidence, independence, self-esteem... that's really lonely. But I don't give up. I can't make anyone love me. I can't control people's feelings. I can only try to control what to do to myself.
I'm doing it well. I make good progress. I'm so lonely. But trying to keep my head up high.