One of the big goals I have for myself is to commit 100% to therapy and see it though, even when it is hard. I'm on my third attempt and Ive never gotten this far before. It is terrifying and scary. I've officially been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and complex PTSD among other things. Im trying to see that as as a tool to help me but at the same time it's crippling. Like I'm certifiably crazy, or that maybe counseling is overwhelming and too much. I'm honest with my therapist about this, who has been incredibly helpful. The best therapist I've had by far.
The last two sessions were to get a better grasp on feelings. I left both of the sessions feeling the full enormity of everything I've been through. The nights after I've just been on the verge of tears. Anything makes the waterworks come out which terrifies me because I'm not a cryer. I push through things and do the best I can with what I have. I usually write, vent to a friend, run, something. I don't feel motivated to do any of my usual coping techniques. I just cry. And want to be held by my boyfriend. I don't want to sleep. i don't want to be alone.
i don't know if what I'm going through is normal or not. I'm questioning all my choices, being over critical. Then I talk myself out of being so hard and all I feel like is crying. I'm at a loss of how on move on, or if therapy is helping. The abuse is on my mind almost constantly which makes me wonder if this is normal or if I need to slow down. My therapist says give it time, I have memories that need to be processed. My boyfriend is afraid to leave me alone. Wakes me at night when I have nightmares and does his best to comfort me when his touch makes me physically sick yet all I want is to be held. He thinks I should stop therapy because he's afraid of how depressed I've been for two and a half months (how long I've been in therapy). He supports whatever i decide to do, which is to finish therapy. I just don't know if I'm making the right decision. And I hate feeling so emotionally wishy washy about all this.
The last two sessions were to get a better grasp on feelings. I left both of the sessions feeling the full enormity of everything I've been through. The nights after I've just been on the verge of tears. Anything makes the waterworks come out which terrifies me because I'm not a cryer. I push through things and do the best I can with what I have. I usually write, vent to a friend, run, something. I don't feel motivated to do any of my usual coping techniques. I just cry. And want to be held by my boyfriend. I don't want to sleep. i don't want to be alone.
i don't know if what I'm going through is normal or not. I'm questioning all my choices, being over critical. Then I talk myself out of being so hard and all I feel like is crying. I'm at a loss of how on move on, or if therapy is helping. The abuse is on my mind almost constantly which makes me wonder if this is normal or if I need to slow down. My therapist says give it time, I have memories that need to be processed. My boyfriend is afraid to leave me alone. Wakes me at night when I have nightmares and does his best to comfort me when his touch makes me physically sick yet all I want is to be held. He thinks I should stop therapy because he's afraid of how depressed I've been for two and a half months (how long I've been in therapy). He supports whatever i decide to do, which is to finish therapy. I just don't know if I'm making the right decision. And I hate feeling so emotionally wishy washy about all this.
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