There is so much I want to write.  So much I need to say.  But when I try to put the feelings into words, language fails me.  I have experienced such loss in a three month period of time, followed by such a high of spiritual awakening and hope, then to be plunged to the depths of despair again...
It hurts too much to hope.  It hurts too much not to hope.
It's all so pointless.....
I give up.