Day 2
Tuesday Oct 12
Last night as I was digging through things trying to find my rings, thinking that possibly I had just missed them earlier, and I came to the realization that my only 2 nice neck chains are also MIA. Then I discovered that I'm also missing an ankle bracelet that I only wear in summer because it has a bunch of little gold dolphins hanging from it that would get stuck in my sock. I got it in Florida years and years ago. I hadn't even thought about it in months until I started looking for the rings. It's not unusual for me to not wear my jewelry for very long periods of time and I find it interesting and kind of strange that I thought about them out of the blue and lo and behold they're missing--almost as if subconsciously I was aware that something unusual was up. After all of that, my youngest decided to check the two pieces of jewelry she owns that she isn't currently wearing. Sure enough, a gold necklace her old boyfriend had given her way back in 8th grade is missing. She wore that thing every day for 5 years until they broke up. Had to replace the chain a couple of times and get it repaired once, but otherwise it was never off of her neck. Again, it wasn't expensive, but it was a piece of her history. And besides, it was HERS. That hurts me even more than having all of my stuff taken.
It's hard to believe that either of my two idiot older kids would take something from their little sister, let alone ALL of my jewelry. How could they expect that I wouldn't miss it sooner or later. Either could have done it, neither will ever admit it, and both will blame each other. It's just really strange how none of it was missing these last two years with all the time my older son has been living with us (minus his 9 months in jail and/or prison and month of drug rehab), through all his prior addiction, and yet in the last 2 weeks that my oldest has been with us, my younger son has installed a lock on his door and the household has been thrown into utter chaos. I talked to both of them, accusing neither. Naturally they are both totally shocked! Who would do such a thing? My daughter suggested I file a police report and see if I can get our homeowner's to cover it. So, who would be more likely to be the culprit? The one who has stolen stuff from me before but denies ever stealing from me, and could have taken the jewelry any time in the last few years and didn't? Or the one who has stolen stuff from us (usually money), who also denies ever stealing from me, and who coincidentally happens to be in our house when these things went missing, and who suggests I try to claim the loss on our insurance? I can pretty much rule out a conspiracy between the two. It's upsetting and aggravating because I'm torn. Part of me says the stuff is gone (and it IS just stuff), along with the others from 8 years ago, and I'll never know who took them. The other part feels like I MUST have put them somewhere, but WHERE? Both parts would just like to know so I can stop looking for them and wondering if I've lost my mind. I'm also torn because I know I need to just kick both their asses to the curb and I CAN'T. My oldest came to stay with us because her boyfriend lost his job and couldn't find another one, she can't get a job (very difficult with a felony charge), and they became homeless. When her boyfriend went back to Texas, I couldn't stand the idea of her sleeping under the bypass because the homeless shelter was full. She was supposed to move in with one of her old girlfriends Oct 1, but so far nothing has happened. She has been cleaning and painting for us but my husband has finally realized that she has been drinking every day. She has merely traded the heroin addiction for alcohol. He can't 'deal with it' anymore. I want her out too because she has really upset what precarious semblance of balance we had here. I'm not thrilled with the idea of her back on the street and I would worry, but I can't take her constant complaining about her brother and her dad, the mistrust I feel and my husband's constant complaining about everybody and everything. What little relief she provides by playing with her son at night and getting him ready for bed is being far outweighed by the added drama and stress she's creating.
The situation with my son is about to resolve itself in one way or another. His parole officer dropped by unannounced, went down to the area of the basement loosely referred to as his 'room' and started confiscating things. He tried to take my son's prescription meds because they weren't in the right bottles (and that's because when I refill them, I only give him a week's worth at a time, so he's got them all mixed together). He took buttons and a poster that had pictures of marijuana leaves on them and went through every drawer, nook, and cranny. Apparently he didn't find anything outright illegal, although apparently he isn't allowed to have a hunting knife or a pocket knife, but the PO ordered him to be in rehab by Thursday. He got written up for having 'contraband' and will violate his parole if he doesn't get into rehab--the problem is when you don't have health insurance, you can't just show up at the door and expect to find a bed in rehab! (That's where my daughter needs to be too. And then they both need to go to halfway houses and get on their feet without my help.)
The only problem I have with the search of his 'room' is that he had no drug paraphernalia, no substances other than his prescriptions, no alcohol, but he was getting 'nailed' on having posters and buttons depicting pot. He had no idea he wasn't allowed to have those things--neither was I! I didn't read anywhere in the 'rules' where it even mentioned his choice of wall decoration. We knew he can't ever own a gun, but a POCKET KNIFE?? We're talking Boy Scout, not switchblade! We live in the suburbs, not the 'urban jungle'! The PO said that he isn't allowed to have anything in his possession that he wouldn't be able to have in jail. In that case, he can't have shoelaces, condiments, clothes other than an orange jumpsuit and rubber pencils.
The other thing that bothered me is that this officer came into my house and then without my knowledge or permission, since I was at work, went downstairs and searched an area of my basement that technically isn't even a room--without a search warrant. Evidentally they are allowed to search a parolee's things, but not those of the rest of the family. I'm learning more and more about the 'legal system'. There is nothing fair about it and the police are allowed to lie when they're questioning you, and apparently they aren't bound by the vow on the Bible not to lie in court either. If you have the money, you can hire an attorney and fight it. If all you can afford is a public defender, forget it.
So, either way, he's looking at a month or more in rehab OR going back to prison until mid January AND if his probation officer decides to violate him also, then he goes to prison for 5 years. The full sentence this time. Neither he nor my daughter are innocent by any stretch of the imagination, but as a mother, it KILLS me to see them wasting their lives this way.
So ended my evening....upset, angry, frustrated, worried....despairing. How the HELL did everything fall apart so completely??
Last night as I was digging through things trying to find my rings, thinking that possibly I had just missed them earlier, and I came to the realization that my only 2 nice neck chains are also MIA. Then I discovered that I'm also missing an ankle bracelet that I only wear in summer because it has a bunch of little gold dolphins hanging from it that would get stuck in my sock. I got it in Florida years and years ago. I hadn't even thought about it in months until I started looking for the rings. It's not unusual for me to not wear my jewelry for very long periods of time and I find it interesting and kind of strange that I thought about them out of the blue and lo and behold they're missing--almost as if subconsciously I was aware that something unusual was up. After all of that, my youngest decided to check the two pieces of jewelry she owns that she isn't currently wearing. Sure enough, a gold necklace her old boyfriend had given her way back in 8th grade is missing. She wore that thing every day for 5 years until they broke up. Had to replace the chain a couple of times and get it repaired once, but otherwise it was never off of her neck. Again, it wasn't expensive, but it was a piece of her history. And besides, it was HERS. That hurts me even more than having all of my stuff taken.
It's hard to believe that either of my two idiot older kids would take something from their little sister, let alone ALL of my jewelry. How could they expect that I wouldn't miss it sooner or later. Either could have done it, neither will ever admit it, and both will blame each other. It's just really strange how none of it was missing these last two years with all the time my older son has been living with us (minus his 9 months in jail and/or prison and month of drug rehab), through all his prior addiction, and yet in the last 2 weeks that my oldest has been with us, my younger son has installed a lock on his door and the household has been thrown into utter chaos. I talked to both of them, accusing neither. Naturally they are both totally shocked! Who would do such a thing? My daughter suggested I file a police report and see if I can get our homeowner's to cover it. So, who would be more likely to be the culprit? The one who has stolen stuff from me before but denies ever stealing from me, and could have taken the jewelry any time in the last few years and didn't? Or the one who has stolen stuff from us (usually money), who also denies ever stealing from me, and who coincidentally happens to be in our house when these things went missing, and who suggests I try to claim the loss on our insurance? I can pretty much rule out a conspiracy between the two. It's upsetting and aggravating because I'm torn. Part of me says the stuff is gone (and it IS just stuff), along with the others from 8 years ago, and I'll never know who took them. The other part feels like I MUST have put them somewhere, but WHERE? Both parts would just like to know so I can stop looking for them and wondering if I've lost my mind. I'm also torn because I know I need to just kick both their asses to the curb and I CAN'T. My oldest came to stay with us because her boyfriend lost his job and couldn't find another one, she can't get a job (very difficult with a felony charge), and they became homeless. When her boyfriend went back to Texas, I couldn't stand the idea of her sleeping under the bypass because the homeless shelter was full. She was supposed to move in with one of her old girlfriends Oct 1, but so far nothing has happened. She has been cleaning and painting for us but my husband has finally realized that she has been drinking every day. She has merely traded the heroin addiction for alcohol. He can't 'deal with it' anymore. I want her out too because she has really upset what precarious semblance of balance we had here. I'm not thrilled with the idea of her back on the street and I would worry, but I can't take her constant complaining about her brother and her dad, the mistrust I feel and my husband's constant complaining about everybody and everything. What little relief she provides by playing with her son at night and getting him ready for bed is being far outweighed by the added drama and stress she's creating.
The situation with my son is about to resolve itself in one way or another. His parole officer dropped by unannounced, went down to the area of the basement loosely referred to as his 'room' and started confiscating things. He tried to take my son's prescription meds because they weren't in the right bottles (and that's because when I refill them, I only give him a week's worth at a time, so he's got them all mixed together). He took buttons and a poster that had pictures of marijuana leaves on them and went through every drawer, nook, and cranny. Apparently he didn't find anything outright illegal, although apparently he isn't allowed to have a hunting knife or a pocket knife, but the PO ordered him to be in rehab by Thursday. He got written up for having 'contraband' and will violate his parole if he doesn't get into rehab--the problem is when you don't have health insurance, you can't just show up at the door and expect to find a bed in rehab! (That's where my daughter needs to be too. And then they both need to go to halfway houses and get on their feet without my help.)
The only problem I have with the search of his 'room' is that he had no drug paraphernalia, no substances other than his prescriptions, no alcohol, but he was getting 'nailed' on having posters and buttons depicting pot. He had no idea he wasn't allowed to have those things--neither was I! I didn't read anywhere in the 'rules' where it even mentioned his choice of wall decoration. We knew he can't ever own a gun, but a POCKET KNIFE?? We're talking Boy Scout, not switchblade! We live in the suburbs, not the 'urban jungle'! The PO said that he isn't allowed to have anything in his possession that he wouldn't be able to have in jail. In that case, he can't have shoelaces, condiments, clothes other than an orange jumpsuit and rubber pencils.
The other thing that bothered me is that this officer came into my house and then without my knowledge or permission, since I was at work, went downstairs and searched an area of my basement that technically isn't even a room--without a search warrant. Evidentally they are allowed to search a parolee's things, but not those of the rest of the family. I'm learning more and more about the 'legal system'. There is nothing fair about it and the police are allowed to lie when they're questioning you, and apparently they aren't bound by the vow on the Bible not to lie in court either. If you have the money, you can hire an attorney and fight it. If all you can afford is a public defender, forget it.
So, either way, he's looking at a month or more in rehab OR going back to prison until mid January AND if his probation officer decides to violate him also, then he goes to prison for 5 years. The full sentence this time. Neither he nor my daughter are innocent by any stretch of the imagination, but as a mother, it KILLS me to see them wasting their lives this way.
So ended my evening....upset, angry, frustrated, worried....despairing. How the HELL did everything fall apart so completely??
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