Work
I am so so so blessed.
I have been working for this small design firm since 1987, through thick and thin. We've seen a lot of life together, we eight. After the last few weeks of emotional exhaustion, I realized how much it takes out of me to just be there, putting aside my heart for those long hours.
It's not about me there, not about Andy. We're billing our clients for excellent design services and products, for focus and accuracy. If the work is fun, that's just the cherry on top for me. I generally like it. But I have had such a hard time with focus and logistical stuff in my exhaustion.
On Monday I said to my employer Terry and business manager Eileen that I can't keep up. My emotional stamina is shot. So I said with a big lump in my throat that I think I need to cut back. Terry said, "Tell us what we can do for you." I said that I think I need to work Monday Wednesday and Fridays. I'll come in or check in or chip in on Tuesdays and Thursdays as needed and if I feel up to it. Terry just said of course, and that he was grateful for anything I could do. <insert blinky tears of gratitude!>
Just knowing, if there is a hard day, that all I have to do is do my best and get through it and wash up on the restful shores of 'tomorrow'... is huge peace of mind. Clearly this is not about having deluxe weekends. I just have to work every other day... like a pitcher in the big leagues, haha. Protect the fragile broken heart as it very slowly finds a way to beat again, to feel connected again.
I don't think I would have understood as much as I do about how normal all of this is, or that it's ALL normal whatever we go through, without FMO and my counselors... I can't do this alone, or at least I know it would take forever. For me the biggest challenge is identifying my emotions, the challenge involved, and figuring out how to tell the world what I need. Mmm, that's all. That is my work.
xox Sarah
I have been working for this small design firm since 1987, through thick and thin. We've seen a lot of life together, we eight. After the last few weeks of emotional exhaustion, I realized how much it takes out of me to just be there, putting aside my heart for those long hours.
It's not about me there, not about Andy. We're billing our clients for excellent design services and products, for focus and accuracy. If the work is fun, that's just the cherry on top for me. I generally like it. But I have had such a hard time with focus and logistical stuff in my exhaustion.
On Monday I said to my employer Terry and business manager Eileen that I can't keep up. My emotional stamina is shot. So I said with a big lump in my throat that I think I need to cut back. Terry said, "Tell us what we can do for you." I said that I think I need to work Monday Wednesday and Fridays. I'll come in or check in or chip in on Tuesdays and Thursdays as needed and if I feel up to it. Terry just said of course, and that he was grateful for anything I could do. <insert blinky tears of gratitude!>
Just knowing, if there is a hard day, that all I have to do is do my best and get through it and wash up on the restful shores of 'tomorrow'... is huge peace of mind. Clearly this is not about having deluxe weekends. I just have to work every other day... like a pitcher in the big leagues, haha. Protect the fragile broken heart as it very slowly finds a way to beat again, to feel connected again.
I don't think I would have understood as much as I do about how normal all of this is, or that it's ALL normal whatever we go through, without FMO and my counselors... I can't do this alone, or at least I know it would take forever. For me the biggest challenge is identifying my emotions, the challenge involved, and figuring out how to tell the world what I need. Mmm, that's all. That is my work.
xox Sarah
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