Well, I am finding that this experience of cutting wood for the winter heat is very painful... It is bringing up memories of my husband and I going out and cutting wood..  I am feeling frustrated and in alot of pain.  I am having to push past it so I can get this done.... My youngest daughter and her partner came over for their vacation (they live on the coast 5 hours away) to camp and fish..  I found it very difficult to be around them they are so in love I miss the kissing, hand holding and touches so much and this just brought this to my heart.. I fished and visited with them but had to leave, could not stay the night....  I am very depressed this week since they left... The pain feels so heavy.. I have to get the wood cut but it is tearing me apart to go out and be in this pain...  I am forcing myself to go out to hunt out areas tomorrow with a friend..  She is great.. Helping me work through all of this.. And helping me get the wood..  I have to learn how to sharpen the chain on the chain saw now.. It cost me 21 Dollars to sharpen two chains and I can buy a new one for 21... THAT is ridiculous....  This is something I can do also.....  Oh there is so much to learn...  I am sending my resume out weekly.. There has to be a job for me.. This is a small town tho... I know it would help so much to be working and not sitting here daily thinking about myself........  The one year anniversary is coming up so fast it is scaring me... I know how difficult the past few months have been...  The tears have stopped most of the time, I do not tear up right away.. So I am progressing.  There are moments that I just have to stop and leave, I can not explain it to people or my kids, it is just this over whelming feeling that comes over me and I have to go home.. To hide I think?? Oh God help me...

Replies

Donale
Donale

Oh my I totally understand how you feel, I went to a brithday party Sunday for my mom who turned 73 and after being there for a short while had to leave in a hrry before I fell to bits seems to happen to me when I try to do activities that my husband and I always did together....the upcoming holidays now they scare the hell out of me.
~HUGS~ to you good luck in the job search I am working and it does help because my husband was never connected with my job, my home I think it is my hiding place.....the only place in this journey that aI feel any sense of peace or comfort.

Donale
Hooksr
Hooksr

As difficult as it is, that is awesome you cut your own wood, a lot better than some men I know. By the way I always just buy a new chain when needed, sharpening is a long process. It is getting close to one year since I lost the love of my life; I understand the feelings you are having I guess this is always going to be a difficult time of year.

I pray you find some peace.

Hugs,
Ron