Well, I am finding that this experience of cutting wood for the winter heat is very painful... It is bringing up memories of my husband and I going out and cutting wood..  I am feeling frustrated and in alot of pain.  I am having to push past it so I can get this done.... My youngest daughter and her partner came over for their vacation (they live on the coast 5 hours away) to camp and fish..  I found it very difficult to be around them they are so in love I miss the kissing, hand holding and touches so much and this just brought this to my heart.. I fished and visited with them but had to leave, could not stay the night....  I am very depressed this week since they left... The pain feels so heavy.. I have to get the wood cut but it is tearing me apart to go out and be in this pain...  I am forcing myself to go out to hunt out areas tomorrow with a friend..  She is great.. Helping me work through all of this.. And helping me get the wood..  I have to learn how to sharpen the chain on the chain saw now.. It cost me 21 Dollars to sharpen two chains and I can buy a new one for 21... THAT is ridiculous....  This is something I can do also.....  Oh there is so much to learn...  I am sending my resume out weekly.. There has to be a job for me.. This is a small town tho... I know it would help so much to be working and not sitting here daily thinking about myself........  The one year anniversary is coming up so fast it is scaring me... I know how difficult the past few months have been...  The tears have stopped most of the time, I do not tear up right away.. So I am progressing.  There are moments that I just have to stop and leave, I can not explain it to people or my kids, it is just this over whelming feeling that comes over me and I have to go home.. To hide I think?? Oh God help me...