ok so things seemed so good...and maybe they still are but I am still panicking and feely so worried and anxious.
Mum has seemed great, but today she was complaining about stuff at work and about how she was going to kick this bitches ass etc.
She was in a bad mood. I was having a bad day as it was because *Now if anyone is reading this this may be too much info for you*
I got my period 10 days early. Which is really, really not usual for me. Never happened before ever. So that freaked me out and having it causes my emotions to be everywhere as it is.
And I went to read stuff about it on the net, because I was so surprised and scared to find I had them and some people were saying its an early sign of pregnancy. WHICH CAN NOT HAPPEN I DONT ’WANT KIDS.
But I think it must just be stress...I still feel odd though because It wasn't meant to happen now.
I'm leaving for L.A in a week. I am so excited but at the same time I am scared. I am a terrible flyer and I’m scared about mum while I’m gone.
I just want to go and do what I want.
I was up really late last night worrying again. Which is likely to be what is up with my period...but then I am stressed ALL the time an this has never happened before. Been stressed worse then this and it hasn’t happened before. And I am up late most nights.
So I don’t get it.
I hate it when mum is angry or depressed it makes me scared that she will go manic or something.
I’m scared our plans of going to L.A will be ruined when we spent so much money and have been looking forward to this trip for nearly a year.
I’m scared I can't have anything in my life.
I don’t want to go to work tomorrow either. I hate it. I want to be a house wife. J says when we get back he will look for a better job and I can quit.
I am falling apart, even when things are good I’m worrying all the time (not as much) and I keep thinking I am so grateful things are god. But I am always scared that they will go wrong. I actually was starting to relax thinking that things were going to be ok, I wasn’t worrying as much. But my hormones with my early period and mum being moody has set me off bad.
I’m still hoping that things are still going to be ok. That I’m am freaking out for nothing.
Mum is applying for a new job which will be good, I hope, wish, pray she gets it, its closer and more money. And I hope its a nice place to work. because every job she has she hates, doesn’t want to do this, thinks people are doing that. She is never happy ever, ever, ever. Even when she actually gets what she wanted in the first place.
I am getting like that too because her having bipolar is ALWAYS hanging over me and I cant take it.
I am trying to calm down…
Please my early period is just a normal period I AM OK!
Mum’s bipolar is Under control! She is ok!
She will get this new job! It will be good!
Our holiday to L.A will be great! We will be safe and enjoy ourselves!
I can quit work soon!
Everything is going to be ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



might as well plan to take a pregnancy test just to be sure...

Well...I still have it. And everything seems like normal (as in what usually happens) So I hink I just freaked out over nothing.