Ok so rang mum like I usually do and she sounded in a badish mood but wasn't mad at me or anything...though her and my sister had had a little argument. So I messaged my sister to warn her mum was still in a bad mood, and to let her know to be careful because strss sets my mums bipolar of into an episode so if they start at it in the mood she is in I was scared it would escalate.
My sister messages back sounding quite cranky. That she’d had a long, busy day etc. I get annoyed cos stress sets mum off and my sister causes a lot of it. It's so frustrating. Then she wants me to fix everything. I wrote back that mum had been to work and shopping in the Christmas madness and had to organise all that stuff for the compensation idiots. Now I feel guilty for upsetting her.
My sister is in the processes of moving out which has put their relationship under a huge amount of stress as is and Christmas tea is at her new room mates place. With them, my mum and me and J. So if they start that will just make Christmas great.
And now I don't know wether I did the right thing messaging my sister. I just wanted to try to pre-empt a fight. But now I’m not sure wether I made things worse.
I just feel too much. If anyone I love is hurt or upset or mad, it cuts me so deep I can barley function. I can't evens stand it when people I don't even know are in pain. I have to much empathy. To the point where I sacrifice myself all the time to help others.
The problem with that is the fact that I’m in a relationship and when I sacrifice me it isn’t fair on him. And he is beyond wonderful and supporting of all the freaking crap that is my family.
I know I have to much empathy because I realised I cry more for other people then myself. I first realised when I was at a funeral over a year ago. I went for J it was a guy he knew, I didn't. And I was standing right where all the guys friends were sitting and they were all guys and they were crying (of course) and I was bawling my eyes out for someone I never even met. Because I could feel their pain.
So when someone I LOVE hurts it damn near kills me. And if I try to push it aside and worry about me the guilt damn nears kills me.
But if I don't start putting me first at least some of the time there will be no me any more. Selfish or not. I just can't cope.
My sister messages back sounding quite cranky. That she’d had a long, busy day etc. I get annoyed cos stress sets mum off and my sister causes a lot of it. It's so frustrating. Then she wants me to fix everything. I wrote back that mum had been to work and shopping in the Christmas madness and had to organise all that stuff for the compensation idiots. Now I feel guilty for upsetting her.
My sister is in the processes of moving out which has put their relationship under a huge amount of stress as is and Christmas tea is at her new room mates place. With them, my mum and me and J. So if they start that will just make Christmas great.
And now I don't know wether I did the right thing messaging my sister. I just wanted to try to pre-empt a fight. But now I’m not sure wether I made things worse.
I just feel too much. If anyone I love is hurt or upset or mad, it cuts me so deep I can barley function. I can't evens stand it when people I don't even know are in pain. I have to much empathy. To the point where I sacrifice myself all the time to help others.
The problem with that is the fact that I’m in a relationship and when I sacrifice me it isn’t fair on him. And he is beyond wonderful and supporting of all the freaking crap that is my family.
I know I have to much empathy because I realised I cry more for other people then myself. I first realised when I was at a funeral over a year ago. I went for J it was a guy he knew, I didn't. And I was standing right where all the guys friends were sitting and they were all guys and they were crying (of course) and I was bawling my eyes out for someone I never even met. Because I could feel their pain.
So when someone I LOVE hurts it damn near kills me. And if I try to push it aside and worry about me the guilt damn nears kills me.
But if I don't start putting me first at least some of the time there will be no me any more. Selfish or not. I just can't cope.
Replies