Ok so wanting Christmas to just be done with I feel like a nervous wreck right now.
I think mum is finally getting these forms sorted out thank GOD. But I not long walked in the door and my mobile started ringing, my mum saying my cousin who is printing out stuff to go with the forms because my printer isn't working, didn't get the email I sent her weeks ago.
Mum sounded cranky. I sent them and it sent this time, didn't the first time cos my cousin had given me her address wrong. So not my fault but I’m sure that won't matter.
Mum had said she'd rang me a little while ago, so I checked my messages and mum had rang, and left a message. She sounded cranky again.
I was out taking J to work. I feel as if I’m not allowed to leave the house in case some one needs me, they always sound so mad that I dare not be at their beck and call the second they want me.
Then I actually do get scared to go any where and do anything in case it causes mum to sound horrible and mean towards me.
I feel really guilty and sad right now. I do the best I can for her. Really she should be grateful. I manage her email, she doesn't even know the password or anything to get in it. If she doesn’t want to deal with something messing up she should take care of it her self. That’s why I refuse to let others do stuff for me unless absolutely necessary.
She had been sounding really good, now she sounds cranky. Christmas is going to be wonderful I can just see. I freaking hate Christmas now. I use to love it. I don't even want to be around my own mother anymore and I feel as guilty as hell for even thinking it. But I just want to feel happy. I don't want this crippling guilt and worry and depression that follows me around.
To make matters worse I said I would help her cover a shift at her job on the 2nd of Jan. I wish I hadn't but I felt like I should and I’m going to LA next year and Need the money. But I will be working directly with her. And I can just see that being a mess cos I won't do something exactly the way she wants it done, or as quick as she could do it etc.
I feel even more guilty when she is in a good episode for thinking like this, because I do love her and all I want is for her to be ok.
Bipolar or not I don't think it's fair all she puts on my sister and me. She's our mother not the other way around.
Maybe I should be stronger and cope better. But I am who I am. I have been battling depression for over 8 years now. She has been diagnosed as bipolar for 3. I don't cope well with things. And that's all their is too it. it can’t all be about her.
I think mum is finally getting these forms sorted out thank GOD. But I not long walked in the door and my mobile started ringing, my mum saying my cousin who is printing out stuff to go with the forms because my printer isn't working, didn't get the email I sent her weeks ago.
Mum sounded cranky. I sent them and it sent this time, didn't the first time cos my cousin had given me her address wrong. So not my fault but I’m sure that won't matter.
Mum had said she'd rang me a little while ago, so I checked my messages and mum had rang, and left a message. She sounded cranky again.
I was out taking J to work. I feel as if I’m not allowed to leave the house in case some one needs me, they always sound so mad that I dare not be at their beck and call the second they want me.
Then I actually do get scared to go any where and do anything in case it causes mum to sound horrible and mean towards me.
I feel really guilty and sad right now. I do the best I can for her. Really she should be grateful. I manage her email, she doesn't even know the password or anything to get in it. If she doesn’t want to deal with something messing up she should take care of it her self. That’s why I refuse to let others do stuff for me unless absolutely necessary.
She had been sounding really good, now she sounds cranky. Christmas is going to be wonderful I can just see. I freaking hate Christmas now. I use to love it. I don't even want to be around my own mother anymore and I feel as guilty as hell for even thinking it. But I just want to feel happy. I don't want this crippling guilt and worry and depression that follows me around.
To make matters worse I said I would help her cover a shift at her job on the 2nd of Jan. I wish I hadn't but I felt like I should and I’m going to LA next year and Need the money. But I will be working directly with her. And I can just see that being a mess cos I won't do something exactly the way she wants it done, or as quick as she could do it etc.
I feel even more guilty when she is in a good episode for thinking like this, because I do love her and all I want is for her to be ok.
Bipolar or not I don't think it's fair all she puts on my sister and me. She's our mother not the other way around.
Maybe I should be stronger and cope better. But I am who I am. I have been battling depression for over 8 years now. She has been diagnosed as bipolar for 3. I don't cope well with things. And that's all their is too it. it can’t all be about her.
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