Things are going good, I think, I pray. Everything seems good. But I’m still depressed and scared. Because every time I have relaxed in the past things fell apart again worse then before. Now I am terrified to be happy. I don’t want to feel this horrible all the time, but I’m too scared of happiness. Of relaxing. Cause the happier I am the harder I'll fall. I want to be positive but that scares me too. I don’t want to be negative either cos that makes me stressed. I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared by even writing this and actually letting out what I feel is going to make things go wrong. I keep saying to myself. This is the rainbow, not he calm before the storm. Not the eye of the storm. The rainbow after the storm. Everything will be ok now.
Please let that be true please! Mum is going to be ok. All my family and everyone I love is ok! Please!

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LL Hay wrote: Sometimes when our lives are magnificent, we have anxiety that something bad is going to happen to take it all away. I call it running anxiety. Anxiety is fear and not trusting yourself. Just recognize it as the part that is used to us being upset about somelthing and thank it for sharing and let it go.\"


I\'ve always felt that life is made up of good and bad - the bad helps me appreciate the good and the good helps me get through the bad. Fear like other emotions should be treated as temporary, they come and go. Wishing you release from fear and the strength to face your fear if and when it happens. Hugs.