I'm a 41 year old woman who has been married for 10 years to a wonderful man. We have 2 small children together. I found out about 5 years ago that my husband is bisexual. It started with me discovering gay porn images on the computer and when I confronted him, he admitted to me that he is bisexual. After having discussions with him about it for awhile, he confessed to having cheated on me.....although he did not at the time think of it as cheating as it was not with another woman. I had a really hard time dealing with it but I was (and still am) so in love with him. I am a forgiving and very caring and compassionate person and I understand how hard it is for a person to "come out" and I was able to forgive him. He swore he would never do it again and that he loved me and always would. It's been 5 years since then and I've been very accepting of him and his urges although I'll admit it's been extremely hard at times. He would stay up alot of nights to watch gay porn and I would lay in bed feeling as though he was cheating on me time and time again. It took quite a while for me to make peace with that but I knew it wasn't something he could control. In the past few months though, i've sensed his urges becoming stronger and stronger and he is staying up much more often. Then about a month ago he signed up to SCRUFF and can see gay men that are close by and talk to them etc. We have discussed it and as hard as it is for me, I gave him my consent to do this and to possibly meet up with someone. So, now I am very confused about how I feel. I feel that by me allowing him this opportunity, I am subjecting myself to getting heartbroken. It's a very real possibility that he could fall in love with another man and no longer want to be with me. Right now he insists he will never leave me, that he loves me and always will. Because I love him so much, I want him to be happy but if he does fall in love and leaves me, I don't know how I could continue living. If I don't give him my consent, I fear he will end up not being able to fight his urges and will cheat on me again. Now I am also confronted with more confusing feelings as sometimes when we have been talking about things and he shows me his conversations with other men, I start picturing him with another man and it turns me on. I'm so confused. I'd like to hear from others who have had similar experiences and how they make things work. I know I'm not alone, but sometimes it feels like I am.
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Wow, I applaud your loyalty. I know you must really love your husband. I have recently realized/accepted that I am bisexual and my fiance is perfectly accepting of it. I am very lucky to have his support. I had a hard time coming to grips with my sexuality because I felt like if I admited, or acted on my sexual feelings for women that I would be cheating on my fiance. But he encourages me to interact and flirt with women and he finds it sexy. He is a very sexual person and wants me to be comfortable with my sexuality as well. I would say that if you love something, set it free. I know that\'s corny, but its true. I believe that people should be able to express themselves sexually because its going to come out anyway and if they feel deprived, they will ultimately feel resentment. But you also have to be true to yourself as well. If you aren\'t comfortable with something, you have to acknowledge that as well. When my fiance first suggested a threesome, i was jealous and all kinds of emotions occured. But I really wanted to do it as well and i\'m so glad we did. I really enjoyed the experience and it made us closer. I know its hard to work through things, but I think communication is the key. Keep talking about it until it feels right. Understanding thoughts and feelings is very important.