I am so lost and confused. I have not been on this site for a long time. I am exhausted and hurt so the energy I do have goes to my paying job and my family. I have little energy left to go online any more.
I saw my rheumatologist today. I am on the max oral dose of methotrexate and still have extremely swollen joints and fatigue. He strongly suggested Benlysta as my next step and gave me a huge patient info book to read about it. I am supposted to call him with my answer. On top of that he wants more lab work and a liver ultrasound with possible biopsy to follow. Holy shit!!
A part of me wants to yell ENOUGH. Stop the drugs. Stop the tests. Stop the procedures. ENOUGH!!! Then, the other part of me says to stand and fight. Take every step possible to help me survive this. To help my kids have their mom for a little longer.
I find myself asking several questions. None of them involve the actual disease process. They all revolve around what would happen to my kids no matter what my choice is. If I take Benlysta and get sick, what then? If I don't take it and stop treatment, what then?
They say stress is not good for us....HA!!! Treatments and doctors and lab work are a part of the stress and not a solution to!!!