So, out of curiosity if any one can tell me, when is this fuckin pain going to stop.I really am not so sure if i can take another day of this shite.  waiting for new years eve to possibly get some relief thru good ol self-med once again.i have still not consumed any booze for almost 23 months and am proud but my pride just continues to shatter and all the good feelings just go away.i hate this illness and what it does to me and everybody around me.  I hate this illness with much compassion for other people who have it b/c i know what its like. i hate this illness b/c it has sooo much power over evey aspect of our lives.I just f-in hate being on this planet right now.i dont want to end my life i just wish sometimes that it would jsut end on its own.the pain is soooo bad today. I hope i can make it thru another day like this.thanks for all of your love and support to all my friends.peace and love,LOLA***