had to change my ok face back to bad again b/c of thif f-in illness that is so difficult to deal with.  it's such a tease when your meds start to work, then 3 days later you are down again.  it's like a rollercoater ride again with these meds and im really getting angry and frusrated.  not to the point where i want to hurt some one else or myself but i really feel like kicking a wall or puching something.  in this case, i suppose that would hurt my foot and hand.  someone told me that kickboxing might be a good thing for me to do as well as yoga.  just very very frustrated and down and i had to self medicate but not with alcohol thank the Good Lord.  I'm not proud of that but sometimes drastic situations call for drastic measures.  i dont become addicted when i self medicate with the substanes that i self medicate with but i believe its still part of my addictions.  I'm very confused, frustrated and sad right now so i had to do what i had to do to feel at least somewhat "functional" today.  If anone who reads this journal has a comment to make, that would be wonderful!  All of the peeps that i have as friends makes me a happy woman most of the time yet i cannot help myself sometimes b/c of thie ridiculous illness.  Well, it felt good to vent and i guess this is a healthy way of doing it.  maybe i should write more often even tho my comments are slim to none but that's ok.  Peace and love to everyone on here.  lola***