I've got lots to be happy about but I just can't seem to get there. Either I'm feeling totally depressed or numb. I think the numbness is worse. Lately I've been fighting the urge to hide in my closet. Literally. A while back when things got this bad I would hide out under my bed. I'm a grown adult and I used to hide under my bed to feel safe. Sometimes I'm just so tired of fighting. Every single day is a battle. I have to make myself get out of bed. Make myself ignore the razor, make myself get back up off the floor. I long for an existance where I'm free of all of this.