I've got lots to be happy about but I just can't seem to get there. Either I'm feeling totally depressed or numb. I think the numbness is worse. Lately I've been fighting the urge to hide in my closet. Literally. A while back when things got this bad I would hide out under my bed. I'm a grown adult and I used to hide under my bed to feel safe. Sometimes I'm just so tired of fighting. Every single day is a battle. I have to make myself get out of bed. Make myself ignore the razor, make myself get back up off the floor. I long for an existance where I'm free of all of this.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I knew someone who had panic attacks, and used to hide in the closet (maybe she still does, i dunno), with her hidden bottle of vodka. For her (and myself) it was a panic attack thing. My thing is the bath tub, so I am blessed with just looking girly when I have anxiety.

I understand your pain, I really do. I can\'t say it\'ll go away... Mine is 12 years strong. But I can say that there are good times and bad times. Remember that, next time it hits you. It may seem like a long time from now, but in a year things may be better. k?
deleted_user
deleted_user

Give yourself a high five that you are still getting out of bed even though you don\'t want to. It takes strength to do that. I know it is exhausting. I think being nervous about the high school guy is having some affect on you. Remember, I\'m here for you!
fors21berg
fors21berg

babiestwo, yes it does have something to do with high school guy. I\'m really nervous about that. I\'m having stomach issues, and trouble sleeping even with a sleep aid. I just don\'t know how to handle this. F@ck NF and depression. They are ruining what life I do have