Confused
A man wants to have lunch with me. He is very nice and I do miss a man's company but I feel soooooo strange about this. I know he would like it to go further than a lunch.
I was married to the most wonderful, considerate, supportive and kind man in the world for 30 years. How can I be with someone else. I feel I am betraying him.
I need help processing this . . . .
I was married to the most wonderful, considerate, supportive and kind man in the world for 30 years. How can I be with someone else. I feel I am betraying him.
I need help processing this . . . .
Replies
I just got home from having coffee with a man I met online and he was very nice and we chatted for about two hours..but it just wasn\'t feeling right. Go have lunch, there isn\'t a commitment ..you may find you enjoy his company. I know I don\'t want to be alone the rest of my life but I also know that I will not settle..Hugs, Ellen
I don\'t have any experiences to share. However, there is a group here called HOPEFUL HEARTS, consisting of several W/W members who are dating again or hoping to, and they are posting their experiences and doubts and fears. You will get some \"first hand\" responses from them, I\'ll bet. Good Luck - Doye
Go and have lunch. Just because you have lunch with him doesn\'t mean your in a relationship or getting married. It\'s lunch! I know what you mean. I went on my first date on New Year\'s Eve, my first date in over 25 years. It was just one date. But I looked at it with the idea that just because we were having dinner didn\'t mean that we were in a relationship.
I\'m very excited for you. Someone wants to spend time with you and get to know you better. Take a chance! Hugs ~ Carla
Oh, been there, that\'s for sure!! My first date after losing Don was with a guy who was a friend only, and still is. I remember one night we had an especially nice time and spent a lot of time laughing. On my way home (took my own car) I started crying so bad I had to pull over. Why? It\'s called \'self imposed guilt\' and there is absolutely no reason for it. Our spouses loved us and wanted us to be happy. Right? So why would we even think the wanted us to spend the rest of our time on earth crying, lonely, and miserable. They don\'t stop loving us because they aren\'t physically here.
Second, do you not have additional children because you feel you couldn\'t do that to the first? Didn\'t you love your siblings, parents, as well as husband and many others? We will not run out of love. The love I feel for the guy I\'m presently dating does NOT change anything about the love I feel for Don. They are different people with different personalities and so am I. I\'m not the 16 year old that started dating Don in highschool. Neither is Art the guy who married his wife at the age of 21. We are in a different stage of life. We look at things differently. We have gone through the most horrible thing imaginable and that was the death of our spouse. Our life was turned upside down and we deserve happiness. We deserve to make each other happy, and that is the purpose of being alive. At least to me, life is about finding joy and spreading it to others.
Go to lunch in your own vehicle. Meet him there and enjoy a pleasant lunch and talk to each other. If he isn\'t the one you want to be friends with you will know it and won\'t go again. Be honest and tell him how you feel. If he can\'t accept that you don\'t want him anyway. You want eventually to be with someone who treats you with dignity and respect and that\'s what you\'re looking for either in a friendship or in a relationship which takes time to develop.
Sending you confidence and self-esteem and security in living a joyful life. Sharon
Lindanne,
It\'s JUST lunch!!! Go, talk, eat. Enjoy. Would you feel guilty having lunch with a girlfriend? Life without love (I have found) is not much of a life. And life without lunch leaves us hungry. Go.
Linda
Well did you have lunch??? Sounds great to me:)