Today and yesterday have been difficult days. Yesterday I was very sick and had to send a good amount of time trying to sleep. My worst symptoms are bone pain, dehydration and a sore throat. I am expirencing hyperthyroidism and my heart races a lot and my hair is falling out rapidly. My head is a mess because I can't tell what is truthful thinking and what is the negative, fearful thinking I expirence sometimes. I need to say the crazy thoughts outloud to hear their insanity and be around people most of the time. The problem is is that when I feel like I am crazy, I get insecure and want to isolate so my friends dont see that I am stuggling and judge the way I am acting which makes me feel like I want to use drugs. The truth is is that the people I surround myself with are very understanding and know I am not crazy, the only craziness is in my head because I am still sane enough to not let it affect my actions. Most of the time I am aware that the thoughts are wrong and don't act on them without checking with someone who will help me and use healthy behaviors to make myself feel better like going to meetings, writing, doing my step work, being with friends, music, etc.