i just found my dad... i cut ties with him nearly 8 years ago... and after i got my life straighetned out, as well as i grew strong enough to not let him do to me what he did to me before... i decided to try and find him, 3 years ago. after a couple of months i had no luck whatsoever, and i just figured life would give me the opportunity to find him when the time was eright... well... found him i have, and i am a nervous wreck, because noiw that i have found him i don't know if i should contact him or not... god damnit i am shaking again. If i do contact him... i am not expecting a happy reunion... at all.... most likely it will be me saying hey, i'm alive, and i made something of myself in spite of you, hope you don't die anytime soon, byeI will not enjoy the conversation(ifi make it)... but i feel as if i owe him at the very least that much... though i know logically i don't owe him shit... all he did was spawn me... that is the only thing fucknugget did for me.... god damn this hurts
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Oh...*Hugs* I think I understand something about your conflict here, but in a different way. My dad walked away from my life after my mom died from her alcoholism when I was 17. He wasn\'t abusive, but he was in and out of my childhood because he was married to someone else. When my mom died, he said he \"wanted to put that part of his life behind him\". Bastard. He didn\'t even have anything to lose by that time because he wasn\'t married to the other woman anymore, I know that much. But like the coward he is, he\'s been showing up at my Aunt\'s place ever since to ask questions about me but he must have told her not to give out his contact info because I\'ve asked and she sidesteps the question every time. I\'m sure I could find him from the internet if I wanted to...but I\'m not sure I\'m ready. I really want to not care...I really keep telling myself I don\'t. But somewhere inside I know I still want my father to love me again, as stupid as that sounds. There\'s also half brothers and sisters I\'ve never even met but heard about and I wonder...if I\'ve heard about them, have they heard about me? Are they curious? I was raised as the only child of my mother, and am naturally curious about my father\'s other children.
It\'s complicated and emotional...I know my story isn\'t exactly the same but I understand the pain.
YOU ARE MORE THAN A GENE POOL...YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL PERSON. I\'M GLAD I AM NOT YOUR FATHER...I WOULD BE DAMNED IN HELL. WHAT A VERY BAD SHAME HE WILL ALWAYS CARRY..........YOU ARE THE WINNER, HERE!
I feel the same way about my father.
Parents! Go figure. If I remember they are not the gods of my childhood and just fucked up people like me, I have a bit more empathy for em. Doesn\'t mean I like em or even love em. They just are.
I think in a fight with \"the mother\" i asked her with hope, \"C\'mon Ma, you stole me from the hospital or gypsy\'s right? I couldn\'t possibly have come from you?\"