alright... i do think i have to enter the relationships board... because sometimes i am just REALLY confused by my girl.Ok, so... some of her friends invited my girlfriend and i to an end of the summer bash... and we were both looking forward to it (i muist admit that i was a little apprehensive, because i figured i was going to get grilled at one point or another throughout the night) But yeah... anyway...So, I get to her place at about 5:30, we go get some gas and some dinner... and by the time we get to the hostess's place, it is 7:30, and we(my g/f, the hostess, her b/f, and myself) sit down, converse, get ot know eachother, share some laughs, general good time... and oh yes, Mythbusters was on... good stuff.Now, the party starts going about 8:30, meetin people, some dancin, good time.Alrighty, at about 10... something, weird starts happening. First off, i had started being slightly uncomfortablebecause i knew no one except my g/f, and there was a good amount of alcohol flowing, so my defenses were up pretty well, but i was dealing well... and then my girlfriend... she, umm... something weird.... so, a good dancing song came on, and i asked her to come and learn a step with me real quick so that we could actually dance in a formal style... and well, after 10 seconds she breaks away, and tells me, " that wouldn't win any dance contests." With which my reply was that it was just a basic step, and her reply to that was, "whatever." and as one can imagine, that hurt... but also, that was when i realized that something else was going on. I didn't know what, but something else.fast-forward 30 minutes All conversation had stopped, we were outside, lying on the grass, she sais that she was going to step behing the bldg for some lrivacy, i informed her that i was going to go sit in the car while she was doin that then(not to guilt-trip her, but because she was the only person i knew at the party, there was alcohol there, and i am an alcoholic, so i did not want ot be around alcohol without anyone that i didn't know around) and explained why, and she said ok. So, i sat in the car playing on my phone for about 15 minutes, she then gets in the car with me, we sit ther for about 10 minutes, dead silence.And then, we do start talking, and it is something along the lines of how i should have met her friends in a dif. atmosphere than this, and how all this was a mistake, and more along those lines.After talking for a few minutes, we get out of the car, and go sit under a tree(still a bit away from the party), and continue talking, with her agitated, and me confused as to where all this came from, and finally she says that it has to do with an insecurity of hers... and i ask if she didn't want me to be a part of "this part of her life" her reply was, "i don't know" i said ok, then i asked if she would be having fun if i wan't there, she said yes. But, she said, that she didn't want me to go. Well, i said that gives us a bit of a quandary doesn't it? She then ssys that she wants to go back to the party, and i ask her frankly at that point if she doesn't want me "around" at the party... she doesn't want to say yes, but she doesn't say anything and i can see the answer in her eyes(agonizing her). I told her it was ok, gave her a big hug, and gently pushed her toward the party... she asked me to take a walk for a little while. I said ok. so, i set out walking around the apartment complex(staying where it was well lit of course), and i was ready to keep walking around for hours if necessary... because i figured i was the source of her anguish, so i would remove myself from the situation. Also, i was afraid that she had gone back inside and had gotten completely shit-faced... which, she did not(because unlike myself, she is not an alcoholic). Well, after about 2 walks around the complex, she gives me a call, and asks where i am at, i informed her i was comin round the bend, and she said that she would meet me outside.So, she meets me out there, comes up and gives me a big hug, says she is sorry, and we go back to the party... with me still confused as hell, but glad that whatever happened that we were back in good graces. So, a bit later she told me that she talked to her friend(the hostess), and that her friend had talked some sense into her, in the way that... well, let me see if i can explain this correctly...Alright, so she explained ot me that sincee things are going well(very well) in our relationship, she doesn't know how to handle it, and well... was looking for a reason to have a problem... so she was making something out of nothing. Well, i can certainly understand the not knowing how to act when things are going well (this is something new for me as well), but the rest has me confused.... but hey, i am usually in a state of confusion.Ok, so the rest of hte night went well, got to laugh at drunk people, cuddle with my g/f, and had some really good discussions with people... ok, so now, the next day.Not much, but i decided to broach the subject of what happened the night before, and when i told her about what she said originally about the dancing, she said, "wow, that was pretty mean wasn't it?"(rhetorical), i said yeah, and she said that she needs to work on that. (she has a problem that when she gets angry at something, that she immediately lashes out verbally at whoever the next person is to talk to her... which she usually realizes right afterward) And we have had that talk, because it hurts me whenever she does this, and it does appear that she is working on it... but sometimes are better tahn others... but yeah, the rest of the day went very well, dinner, movie(stardust rocks!)), nature walk/adventure, and cribbage!But yeah... i am confused by all that went down saturday.
Replies
It sounds to me like she was very self-conscious about herself with you mixing with old friends of hers. She\'s aware that you\'re alcoholic. Could it be that she is simply insecure about judgements others might be making of you, or you making of them regarding the alcohol thing? Or worried that she needed to be your support system while you were among strangers (to you)who were friends of hers. I wouldn\'t be too worried about the whole thing right now. The fact that you can openly discuss the whole thing is really good. I personally don\'t see a red flag waving.
I believe you handled youself well. The best way to stay sober is to stay away from the temptations and parties!!! Sounds like your g/f is okay...talking about this is a very good sign. Hang in there and hang tough on the no drinking...
You did really really well. Well for staying off alcohol. Well for not getting mad, well for staying cool and calm, and giving her the space for working it out. She did take responsibility, did sort herself out and did make it up to you. Now I call that maturity. How old is your g/f? She sounds young? In which case there are huge amounts to learn about relationships, and one only does that by being in one.
yea, i still stay away from the booze for the most part, and its been along time, i dont think of drinking, jsut dont like some of the behaviors the booze causes... hope this helps..dinz
Careful, she sounds like she could be an abuser and very controling. If she was 100% respectful of you, then she would not have cared what her friends might of thought of you, she would not have cared that you were at a party with alcohol & trying to be good about saying away form alcohol. She should have been very happy to try a new dance step with you, regaurdless of whether she was in a bad mood or not, she should have been polite about it.
Don\'t think for one second that you deserve her lashing out at you cause she is in a bad mood. Her mood is her own, and I think she lashed out cause at the party she was not in control, doesn\'t have a boyfriend that can hang like all the other boyfriends (I mean drinking) and embarrassed about it.
If she knows what you have been through in your life and she is not gentle with you, then she is using you to abuse. Instead of beating up on herself she needs someone else to beat up on, and you fit the bill.
Think about it here for a second, she lashed out at you, she knew it, and did not appologise about it until you brought it up to her the next day. She does not have respect for you, herself, and sounds like a taker rather than a giver.
Stand you ground with her, and let her know that you will not tolerate her lashing out at you. Throw her bad mood back on her the next time she does it, by telling her that her comment was rude, hurtful and unessacery and that you deserve to be treated with respect. If she appolgises right away, then offer her support with changing her (lashing out at you) behavior by talking to her in a manner that will break down her defences and confess to what is really bothering her.
Always remember that you have to teach people to treat you the way that you want to be treated. Please don\'t be a push over, or fall for the \"oh, I am sorry, I was in a bad mood\" trick. You don\'t deserve to be lashed out at cause you wanted to dance.
I don\'t 100% understand what her deal was on the night of the party. It seems like you two have some signs of a good relationship. If it were me, I would hold back a little and make sure she liked me as much as I liked her. I\'m not sure, but it generally isn\'t a good sign that she would be mean like that.
I am impressed and proud of you for handling being around alcohol so well!