This journal entry was for December 16th, but I wrote it on the 17th.  I hope this clarifies it for you. Tonight our musical at church was AWESOME!!!! I had a wonderful time, and so glad that I went.  The choir members are encouraging to me, and have helped a lot through tonight.  Probably more than they realize. I had a panic attack for about 5 minutes in between songs when it went completely dark and close to a bunch of people (taking up personal space).  I started to freak out, and kept telling myself, "I am in a safe place with safe people who care for me deeply, and I am singing for the Lord  God knows understands what I am going through."  After that I was able to function because I quickly changed my negative thoughts to positive.  All I know is that I have a long ways to go.  I did have a flashback while I was in the choir loft, but I am not going to tell the details, that is how bad it was, which explains the panic attack.  I guess now I am starting to have panic attacks during the day when they are all about any fear.  I am not ready to deal with my fears; I am not at that point yet.  I am still working on my triggers to the flashbacks.I also realized that once the PFS expires on Feb. 18th, my fear of the public will intensify because that is how it was before I got that court document, plus I haven't had much of a chance to work on my fears, but have been focusing in on the triggers to my flashbacks.I will get through this, but had no idea that this was starting to pop up until now.  This is the second panic attack exactly one week later, which is not like me.  Please keep praying.  When I think I am taking one step forward, well tonight I feel like I took two steps back because not it is affecting me at church, basically in all areas of my life.  I do not want this; I want a life without trauma.I wil try and write tomorrow to let you know how I did at our last performance.  Have a good week..