Been A while
Well, it's been a while, but so much has gone on in my life that I just let myself get to the lowest point I could go. I lost my father on Halloween in 2011, and have had to take on taking care of my mother, which she has major depression. When you have almost a whole household with depressed people, it doesn't make it fun family time.
As most of my friends on here know I was diagnosed with HIV on my birthday, which is under control now, but wished my stupid cheating husband would not have passed it on to me. On top of that my diabetes is out of control due to a tremendous amount of stress/depression.
So, let's see...where should I start off for today...hmmm, how about the cheating husband, I don't know why I stay with him, Oh yea, cause of my kids. he's still cheating on me. I haven't had sex in almost 3 years. I am so tempted to cheat myself and fulfill my needs which I have been offered, but...I don't...to me 2 wrongs don't make a right. I am very very very sexually frustrated, It pisses me off that he thinks I'm that stupid to not know what he's up to. and honestly when he tries to hug me or show affection I pull myself away, because I know he's been with a few other people. but at the same time I wonder why does he cheat on me? What did I do to deserve a man who isn;t happy with me. I really don't believe in divorce and if you truly love someone, you can make it work. It is hard though when it is only one person fighting to keep our relationship togethter. I am the type of person who will try anything once, I was brought up to serve him his meal, I give him anything and everything he wants, I feel like a slave at times. How does he pay me back, by pushing my ego down, trying to lower my self esteem. To me he is verbally abusive. Tell's me my food taste like crap, If I do something says it's ok...but think you could of done better. Tells me I wasn't his first pick as a wife. I just don't know what to do, seems like every year it's getting worse since he passed on HIV to me, I feel so defective and unwanted. My boys who are in thier teen tell me to just leave him, that he is never there for them anywany, but my daughter who is a little younger see's no wrong in her daddy. I'm so confused, any suggestions or comments would be appreciated.
As most of my friends on here know I was diagnosed with HIV on my birthday, which is under control now, but wished my stupid cheating husband would not have passed it on to me. On top of that my diabetes is out of control due to a tremendous amount of stress/depression.
So, let's see...where should I start off for today...hmmm, how about the cheating husband, I don't know why I stay with him, Oh yea, cause of my kids. he's still cheating on me. I haven't had sex in almost 3 years. I am so tempted to cheat myself and fulfill my needs which I have been offered, but...I don't...to me 2 wrongs don't make a right. I am very very very sexually frustrated, It pisses me off that he thinks I'm that stupid to not know what he's up to. and honestly when he tries to hug me or show affection I pull myself away, because I know he's been with a few other people. but at the same time I wonder why does he cheat on me? What did I do to deserve a man who isn;t happy with me. I really don't believe in divorce and if you truly love someone, you can make it work. It is hard though when it is only one person fighting to keep our relationship togethter. I am the type of person who will try anything once, I was brought up to serve him his meal, I give him anything and everything he wants, I feel like a slave at times. How does he pay me back, by pushing my ego down, trying to lower my self esteem. To me he is verbally abusive. Tell's me my food taste like crap, If I do something says it's ok...but think you could of done better. Tells me I wasn't his first pick as a wife. I just don't know what to do, seems like every year it's getting worse since he passed on HIV to me, I feel so defective and unwanted. My boys who are in thier teen tell me to just leave him, that he is never there for them anywany, but my daughter who is a little younger see's no wrong in her daddy. I'm so confused, any suggestions or comments would be appreciated.
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