13 weeks

So after writing what was probably the biggest journal I've ever written I hit save and it logged me off DS and said you must be logged in to do this and deleted the whole damn thing. I'm ready to throw the computer across the room. To bad its a work computer and I'd probably get fired if I did. Let see if I can remember everything I wrote. I think Im finally out of my 1st trimester starting tomorrow into my 2nd trimester. Its so hard to know for sure because every site and everyone says something different. Babycenter says I'm out of my first trimester so thats what Im going with for now. The doctors say that being out of my 1st trimester means my risk of miscarrying is much less. I guess theres always still a chance something could happen, like an infection or something wrong with the cervics or something like that. I guess only time will tell. Right at this min. in time I'm feeling really good about it. Yesterday I had a little panic episode or anxity. I have myself worried to death over alot of things. Im worried about my ultrasound on Wed., its the one where they are going to measure everything and see if the baby has any charistics of downs syndrom. I have to go by myself because my husband started a new job and cant get time off, my mom is going camping out of town, and my mother-in-law has something to do. I'm so worried they will find something wrong and I'll be there all by myself. Then I think the reality of this pregnancy has finally set it. I'm actually going to have a baby at the end not a miscarriage (God willing). What if I dont know what I'm doing. What if Im not a good mother. What if I dont know how to clean its nose, or bath them, or what if I cant do it. On top of all that I had a constant pain yesterday in my left side, almost like it was in my overies. Usually my growing pains are here and there and are never constant. So of couse I started worrying. I checked the heartbeat when I got home and everything was fine. Now the pain is going so I dont know what it could have been.   I think I'm doing a little better today. Still scared but I guess all new mothers stress over things like this at some point. My mother-in-law is about to make me completely crazy. She comes over just about every other day and as soon as she walks in she start doing my dishes. I know I'm crazy I shouldnt be mad, but she doesnt even come to say hi she comes in and starts the dishes. I could have 1 dish or 2 sink fulls and she'll do them. On top of that I have to rewash all the dishes before we use them anyways because she leaves food or soap on them. Thats not the only reason I'm mad. She'll also come in and say do your animals have food they act like they are hungry. I feel like saying yes they have food and if they dont mind your own business. Then she'll also water my plants and flowers and say how long has it been since you watered these. Its driving me crazy. After she left lastnight I was in such a bad mood. I tried to explain to my husband why I was mad. He dont get it, he says shes just trying to help. Which might be the case but shes making me feel worthless in the process. She acts like I cant do anything. I mean I could go to her house and find every little thing that needed done but I dont. Its rude. Her house is a cluddered mess but I dont say anything. I mind my own business. I just dont know what to do. I dont know if I should ignore it or what.  As you know today marks 13 weeks. My doctor released me from my "pelvic rest" (no sex for the last 13 weeks) today. Im so scared. I mean of course I want to have sex with my husband, but what if I start bleeding. Could it cause a miscarriage? How can I make it special for my husband and not seem so tense and scared while its happening? I want to do something special any suggestions?  Well I think I'm gonna end this for now. Im sure I forgot something I had in the last one but thats ok I'll think about it later. Sorry for all the questions. Hope someone has some answers. Hugs and luv, Monica.