Scared

I am so terrified about what will happen next in my life. I found out not too long ago that i'm pre-diabetic and have something called fatty liver disease. Plus, I had to have my gallbladder taken out. My health has gone down hill. I am at a loss. I have major depression and schizzoaffective disorder, plus a bunch of other miscellaneous health problems. Living on a day-to-day basis can be quite hard for me. Sometimes I just don't know what to do next. I am always so sad and depressed. Tonight I found myself being so upset that my stomach was in knots. I ended up having to call one of those 24-hour help lines. I needed to talk to someone. I was talking her ear off for like 45 minutes at least. It was nice to vent, but .... how will I feel next? What about tomorrow? I felt better at first, but i'm already starting to get sad again and that call was less than 30 minutes ago. Living has become so hard for me. It is so hard to explain that to my parents. I try to tell them how I feel and they just try to have some sort of magical fix for it. It's like when a woman tries to tell a man something. He just keeps trying to fix the problem when what we really need is a good listener. Sure we want our problems to end and we want them fixed, but sometimes just having a good listener can help us feel at least a little better. When I talk to my parents I find myself getting frustrated because it's like talking to a wall. It goes nowhere. My parents are pretty much all I have left. I don't have any friends anymore. It's pretty much down to just me and my cat. I am always so lonely.
I started exercising again lately a snap fitness. It feels good to exercise and it's a nice distraction from my crazy thoughts. But after that, i'm back to square one and am all sad, depressed and alone again.
I don't know what will happen next for me....and that terrifies me. My life truly sucks right now. I wonder sometimes if my health will ever actually improve or if i'll end up adding another health condition to my already never ending list. It is already rediculous enough.
I was once hospitalized for suicidal watch a while back. Who knows how long ago because I'm terrible at judging dates...hell....I am terrible at remember a lot of things. I have a bad memory. I really just don't know what to do next. Half the times I just sit around watching tv, knitting, and going on the internet. That's why I started up with snap fitness again. I really hope it helps at least a little bit. I am on anti-depressants. I have had trouble for years on getting the right ones. I finally figured out the one, but am still struggling at finding the last right one. I keep on having so many side effects. I have tried pretty much everything on the market. I really hope this new one eventually starts to work and that I don't have any side effects....but what to do in the mean time?