How?

Dear Robby,
How do you do it? You've said from day one that I was your best friend. Is she your best friend now? Because you sure don't talk to me. How do you do it? If I was truly your best friend, wouldn't you be breaking down every day like me missing you? I don't get it. I don't even know anymore what I've said to you or text you and what I've written to get all out and just thrown it away. I know I shouldn't be contacting you but that doesn't feel right either. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared. If you loved me as much as you said you did, how can that be turned off? I'm begging God every day to make you talk to me or come back to me or just take my pain away. I don't understand. I don't understand you and I don't understand me. Why am I so freaking crazy when you were so bad for me? I miss you like I've never missed anyone in my life. I look back on our time together and see so many things I'd like to go back and change. But, you did wrong things too - and I don't think you feel that way. What in the hell is wrong with me???? What in the hell is wrong with you???? I remember when we first got together trying to memorize your face and your smile and your eyes...because I had a feeling you were only going to be in my life for a little while. So, I try to hold on to that and be glad that I felt that kind of love at least once in my life. But, instead of being grateful, I'm still just so sad and trying to think of any way possible for you to come back to me. I want so bad to get stronger... I love you and always will.