Crying...
So, it's finally hitting me. He doesn't truly love me. And even as I type that, tears roll down my face. And the worse part is that I don't have my best friend, Beth, to call and cry to anymore - saying THAT makes me cry like a baby! I lost her last year to a brain aneurism. Not only was she my best friend, I'm beginning to think she was the only friend I had. The only one that understood me anyway. I am lost without her.
Just 4 years ago, I came to this site and went on and on about the love Robby and I shared, but that I was scared because I knew he was an alcoholic. But, I loved him so much I thought we could work thru it. I thought I could deal with it. How ridiculously stupid I was!!!!!!!!!!!
I am totally exhausted. And he could care less. Oh, he says he cares and gets mad at me because I think he doesn't show me he loves me. He claims working his ass off 40 plus hours a week "for us" should prove that. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Well, what about when he is not working, he thinks he has to be fishing or drinking with his friends constantly? I support his fishing. It's a good thing for him. But, tonight we were both exhausted after working on the house putting down new flooring since Wednesday. Yesterday, he left at around 2 pm supposed to come back home in a few hours. He called me at 10:30 to complain about being tired and coming home to sleep on a mattress on the floor. So, I waited for an hour and a half for him to get home to help me set up the mattresses and guess what? He didn't come home and didn't answer his phone. So, my daughter and I both slept on the couch which was miserable! His son text me around 4 am wanting to know where he was and I text back around 5 saying I didn't know, but he had already found him and he was with his son going fishing again! He finally made it home about 2 pm today only to sleep for awhile, eat and go back out to a party. Sure, he wanted me to go....but I did not feel like socializing. Our house is a mess!
He knows I am mad but does he care? Nope. Oh, and he happens to not have a driver's license because of his many DUI's before we got together. So every time he is on the road, there is a chance he will go to jail.
So, I know what you are all thinking. Dump him. Go on with my life. I can do better. Well, I've been married twice and didn't do any better then either. But, I've never loved anyone like I love him. I am scared to lose him.....I'm also scared to keep him. I pray and I pray and I pray.
On top of all this, I am having serious problems with my daughter. She is ten. I have spoiled her rotten for so many different reasons. One, because she was my miracle baby. Two because I knew she was devestated when I divorced her father. The list goes on. So, now I'm figuring out I royally screwed up. She is awful to me when it comes to minding and talking back. She loves me desperately as I do her. But, she does not respect me whatsoever, it seems.
Right now, all I ask if anyone happens to read this is to PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. Pray for my problems with my daughter, with Robby, and with missing my best friend. I also lost another good friend last year...he was my best guy friend.
Just 4 years ago, I came to this site and went on and on about the love Robby and I shared, but that I was scared because I knew he was an alcoholic. But, I loved him so much I thought we could work thru it. I thought I could deal with it. How ridiculously stupid I was!!!!!!!!!!!
I am totally exhausted. And he could care less. Oh, he says he cares and gets mad at me because I think he doesn't show me he loves me. He claims working his ass off 40 plus hours a week "for us" should prove that. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Well, what about when he is not working, he thinks he has to be fishing or drinking with his friends constantly? I support his fishing. It's a good thing for him. But, tonight we were both exhausted after working on the house putting down new flooring since Wednesday. Yesterday, he left at around 2 pm supposed to come back home in a few hours. He called me at 10:30 to complain about being tired and coming home to sleep on a mattress on the floor. So, I waited for an hour and a half for him to get home to help me set up the mattresses and guess what? He didn't come home and didn't answer his phone. So, my daughter and I both slept on the couch which was miserable! His son text me around 4 am wanting to know where he was and I text back around 5 saying I didn't know, but he had already found him and he was with his son going fishing again! He finally made it home about 2 pm today only to sleep for awhile, eat and go back out to a party. Sure, he wanted me to go....but I did not feel like socializing. Our house is a mess!
He knows I am mad but does he care? Nope. Oh, and he happens to not have a driver's license because of his many DUI's before we got together. So every time he is on the road, there is a chance he will go to jail.
So, I know what you are all thinking. Dump him. Go on with my life. I can do better. Well, I've been married twice and didn't do any better then either. But, I've never loved anyone like I love him. I am scared to lose him.....I'm also scared to keep him. I pray and I pray and I pray.
On top of all this, I am having serious problems with my daughter. She is ten. I have spoiled her rotten for so many different reasons. One, because she was my miracle baby. Two because I knew she was devestated when I divorced her father. The list goes on. So, now I'm figuring out I royally screwed up. She is awful to me when it comes to minding and talking back. She loves me desperately as I do her. But, she does not respect me whatsoever, it seems.
Right now, all I ask if anyone happens to read this is to PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. Pray for my problems with my daughter, with Robby, and with missing my best friend. I also lost another good friend last year...he was my best guy friend.
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