I don't remember much about the process of getting to Sarah's room. She was in the intensive care unit, but this seemed like an even higher level of care, based on where her room was located. I walked into her room, prepared for all the tubes that were going to be attached to her, so that didn't surprise me. The first thing that caught my eye was the absence of piercings. Sarah had several facial piercings and obviously they needed to be removed to allow procedures to be done more easily. She had been placed into a medically induced coma to try to allow her body to stabilize. Her body temperature had been lowered to 91 degrees, she was sedated, given pain medication, a paralytic medication and an anti-seizure med. Even though she was paralyzed by one of the medications, she would still be having seizures without the meds; we just wouldn't see them. Her heartbeat and breathing were being handled by machines.
She looked so young and so vulnerable.
I went to her and tried to kiss her forehead without dislodging any of the tubes. Even though they were cooling her body, I asked if they could place a light sheet over her. Sarah hated being cold and it made me feel like she had a blanket over her. The doctors and nurses came in and brought us up to speed as to what was going on. At this time I don't think that any of what they were saying was sinking in, but we nodded and asked questions that seemed appropriate.
My husband and I went down into one of the family lounges and met up with Ryan. We talked and decided that we were going to have to start making phone calls and letting friends and family know what was going on. It's terrible having to make that same phone call over and over and over again, to be the one who has to break that awful news to people.
While they were taking care of that, I went back down to be with Sarah. Ryan had the book that she was reading, in case they had had to spend a lot of time waiting in the ER. I picked it up and started to read to her. I knew that she would hear me. Unfortunately she was reading "The Kite Runner" and it was getting to a very raw and gritty part of the story. So I just held her hand and talked to her. That was another very surprising thing. Being able to talk with Sarah and not have her answer. Sarah was a state champion debater and forensics gold medalist; the girl was able to talk on just about any topic. It didn't matter what I said or who was around to hear it, I just wanted to connect with her in any way that I could.
 

Replies

RememberKala
RememberKala

I felt a wave of emotion as I read this...great pain in my heart for you. I\'m so sorry, and yet so proud that you\'re able to tell your story, Sarah\'s story. In sharing we heal and we are healed. It\'s a long hard journey, but it\'s one we don\'t have to make alone. Walking with you my friend, Teri.
KandL
KandL

Dear friend, Your loss is so new & the pain so raw. I am so very sorry you lost your precious Sarah. I am with you & I understand. Take care, Sincerely Linda
biowoman
biowoman

Wow...what a powerful journal...and the loss so recent and the pain so new. It hurts me for you...to relive this time...it is sometimes so hard for me to tell Alex\'s story and it has been nearly three years. I am so glad that you have shared with us and I hope that somehow telling us helps you. Come here often...write as you feel the need and know that we are holding your hand. Love to you...Karen
lynette22
lynette22

I hurt with you, my tears flow for you and Sarah. Sending you strength and love, keeping you both in my prayers. Lynette ~ Matthews mom
CorriesMom
CorriesMom

What a courageous journal entry. But I have found that telling the story over and over can help and I hope that this journal is a teeny tiny baby step in helping you. Making those first phone calls is so hard. With each call there is a fresh wave of grief and tears. We are here to hold your hand.

Sending love, tight hugs and thoughts of comfort to you ~ Debbie
annsullivan
annsullivan

Thank you so very much for sharing a little bit more of Sarah with us. I do enjoy reading about others children. So you had a talker on your hands...Love it. Hugs, Ann