im so sick of having everything be ok then watch it fall apart.. i used to pray every night now im just yelling at God every night cuz he hasnt killed me yet... i keep trying to not worry and not focus on the bad but i just cant do it.. i want to be dead... everyone just fucking yells at me when im upset.. my mom always blames my meds for it like i cant ever be sad then when i finally told her that she does that she said fine its not the meds ur sad get off ur ass and deal with it urself the best part is that day i was so depressed i couldnt move i felt like someone took my soul away from me... then i get upset so i call my bf to talk to him.. he yells at me.. idk y he just does and every ones telling me to just stop being upset yet they dont even ask whats wrong.. i cant do it anymore.... and im starting to wonder why the fuck im even trying not to cut anymore.. its been 10 months since i last cut... almost a year... does any one care that its taking so much effort not to cut so the fact that i havnt cut that long is a fucking miracle...no they dont care... i say i want to cut they get mad and tell me not to cut or they well be mad.. why the hell should i care if they will get mad if they dont even bother to ask me whats wrong or try to help me.... and im just starting to hate myself for crying so much.... i really just hate myself at this point cuz im not strong enough anymore