alone

I haven't felt so alone and anxious about the future in a while. One of the girls at my work is young and reminds me of me five years ago, she told me the other day I needed Jesus after telling her about a fight my boyfriend and I got into the night before... I don't know if it was meant to be comforting but this comment stirred something in me. How dare anyone assume I need their faith. I was raised in catholic schools, and although open minded to one day coming back to it, i'm currently agnostic and practice mindfulness and kindness currently as my religion. She is lazy and was on Americas next top model so everyone loves her bc of that but I work so much harder than her. She's sneaky and takes the easy way out. I'm so stressed and its showing in everything I do. I'm moving out march 13 and barely make enough to pay rent, I don't even know if im approved.my boyfriends brother is moving here and he hasn't seen me since I started yelling at everyone after a half a bottle of xanax and vodka two fourth of Julys ago... My best friend is addicted to adderal and so distant. Her mom and sister are asking me questions to try and get her help and I feel like I'm betraying her but I've already felt like I lost my best friend. I just want to curl up in a ball for a week and not have to talk to anyone... But obviously cannot. Sometimes I feel like I'd be better off if I wasnt around. I just want to bring love and light to others but I don't feel it myself. I can't even stand looking at my coworker bc I feel like she thinks i'm the devil when I've repeatedly told her, I like a lot of people, unfortunately don't have the same relationship or beliefs about God. Some days my anxiety is debilitating. Yoga helps, but i'm too inconsistant, and its only temporary until i'm back in the trenches. Why do I care so much and take on so much guilt and never ask for help. Its suffocating me. I feel like I've lost my chance at a happily ever after.