Ok, I went to the OBGYN for 2:45pm and he sent me to emergency to get a DNC by 3:30 pm. It was 6:45 pm when they came to have me sign papers (witch I signed). Then they told me that I may have to wait up to 3 days at the hospital to have the DNC done. That was because of future car accidents or other nasties. That meant no food or water for up to 3 days. So I tried to pull my self together. No luck. I flipped out. I ripped the I.V. out of my arm put my clothes on while they tried to talk me into staying. I told them through my tears, that this is where my mental illness causes me to suffer, and that there was no way I could stay there indefinitely. Why I said indefinitely was because where I live there is at least 3 accidents a day and I would always be pushed back for some one who was either an idiot or hit by an idiot. I did ask if I could go home and come back in 3 days. They said no can do. I would lose my place of “if and when no one is worse off then I”…if I left.  After yesterday and today I feel so unimportant. I feel like the only way I will get any help is if I harm myself. Unfortunately for me I don’t like pain, and there fore can not harm myself. I will just have to wait for the infections to get so bad that they can’t push me aside. It is now my only source of hope to get the help I need.  I am so angry at myself for not being a stronger person. The best I could do for my self was buy some iron pills to help with the anemia and vent here.