VENTING........
It's been a LONG time 2 days! I'm feeling off. Anxious, depressed, aggravated, pissed off, lonely, and many more..... I knew after my OD and stay in the psych ward a couple of weeks ago I would have days like this... I just thought I would be able to handle them better. The meds are helping because if I miss a dose I'm worse, but they are not working good enough. Am I thinking about suicide again... Yes! Will I act on it?.... Probably not.... I do know I have some support from family and friends but I'm tired of hearing the same shit over and over again. Doing the same thing over and over again is the definition of insanity, well it applies to hearing the same thing over and over again! What may work for one person may not work for someone else and I just wish "people" would understand that.I'm working 2 jobs and it's not enough! I'm in sever pain daily but I keep going because I don't have a choice. I feel like I'm being punished by God for something but I don't know what. I guess there is a lesson to learn but my brain is not figuring it out and my frustration level is overloaded at this point! I just want some relief from the overwhelming pain and thoughts, I don't think that's too much to ask.... Maybe it is I don't know. What I do know is that I'm glad it's happening to me and not my love ones or friends. (People I don't like... Well what comes around - goes around I guess) I am grateful that I'm still alive to help people that can't help themselves, it's the ONLY reason I get up in the morning, and even then I have to force myself to get up and get going. I would stay home, shut in, and never leave the house if I could and still pay the bills. It's always about money and not about living a healthy, fun life anymore. Some of you will not understand this and that's okay, because I don't understand it half the time either. There's so much to say and not enough time, you probably don't want to hear about it anyway.... I do hope and pray that y'all NEVER have to deal with anything I'm going thru. Ok I'm don't ranting tonight. God bless you all, and thanks for taking the time to read my status to the end. (I'm sure not many will as I don't have many close friends/family that will...)
— feeling too many emotions to mention!
— feeling too many emotions to mention!
Replies