So Tired
Another argument with my dad. This time he cursed me out and told me to leave. Normally, I'd of stood my ground and got him to calm down, but not this time. Instead I left and came home and called social services. I had to leave a message, but I'm done with trying to help someone who refuses help. What my dad wants is a secretary--someone to give orders to and expect nothing else. that's not me. I'm not trying to tell him what to do, but if he's walking in harms way, I've got to say something.
And that's what happened. It all started because he again spent all of his pension and ss money. He makes over 4000 a month but does not feel the need to budget. Instead he told me that he didn't plan to eat. "I'll just fast," he said. But here's the thing: He weighs 160 on his 5'8 frame. He has prostate cancer and can ill afford to loose an ounce. I told him he needed to eat. And convinced him to get the food. He did, but his resentment towards me grew stronger. It finally broke one week later. "Stay out of my business," he shouted. And then threw me out.
He's 85, dementia symptoms with a previously existing mental disorder. He's always been a mean person with violent tendencies. And yes, he did push me a few months back. Otherwise, he's never laid a hand on me, perfering my mother as the target. So, here I am, finally making the call I should have years ago. He needs help and try as I may, I can't help him. He's throwing himself off a boat and taking me over with him. Not good as no one will be saved at this rate. So sad. I don't know how this will work out. The social services place I called has not called back. I don't know how they're going to get in his house. He's not the friendly sort. I do expect him to lie about me. He enjoys telling people how he's alone and that I do nothing for him. He hates me. Always has and always will, but I hadn't cared. I wanted to help him as I would help anyone in need. He's my father so I love him too. And that's why I've gone the extra mile, putting my health in danger just to help him. It was for nothing. Fact is, my mere presence is a reminder of all that he has lost. He's 85, no longer the young man with plenty of money and a trail of hanger-ons all hoping to get some of it. Instead, he has me, a woman not motivated by money, who sees it only as a means to obtain food and a roof over your head. He can't bribe me with money or material items. I have everything that I need and am happy with what God has provided.
This is opposite of my father, who likes to throw around money like it's nothing. And that's why 4000 dollars a month goes down the drain like running water.
Enough of my rambling. I've faced facts. If I can't help him, then I need to get someone to him that can.
And that's what happened. It all started because he again spent all of his pension and ss money. He makes over 4000 a month but does not feel the need to budget. Instead he told me that he didn't plan to eat. "I'll just fast," he said. But here's the thing: He weighs 160 on his 5'8 frame. He has prostate cancer and can ill afford to loose an ounce. I told him he needed to eat. And convinced him to get the food. He did, but his resentment towards me grew stronger. It finally broke one week later. "Stay out of my business," he shouted. And then threw me out.
He's 85, dementia symptoms with a previously existing mental disorder. He's always been a mean person with violent tendencies. And yes, he did push me a few months back. Otherwise, he's never laid a hand on me, perfering my mother as the target. So, here I am, finally making the call I should have years ago. He needs help and try as I may, I can't help him. He's throwing himself off a boat and taking me over with him. Not good as no one will be saved at this rate. So sad. I don't know how this will work out. The social services place I called has not called back. I don't know how they're going to get in his house. He's not the friendly sort. I do expect him to lie about me. He enjoys telling people how he's alone and that I do nothing for him. He hates me. Always has and always will, but I hadn't cared. I wanted to help him as I would help anyone in need. He's my father so I love him too. And that's why I've gone the extra mile, putting my health in danger just to help him. It was for nothing. Fact is, my mere presence is a reminder of all that he has lost. He's 85, no longer the young man with plenty of money and a trail of hanger-ons all hoping to get some of it. Instead, he has me, a woman not motivated by money, who sees it only as a means to obtain food and a roof over your head. He can't bribe me with money or material items. I have everything that I need and am happy with what God has provided.
This is opposite of my father, who likes to throw around money like it's nothing. And that's why 4000 dollars a month goes down the drain like running water.
Enough of my rambling. I've faced facts. If I can't help him, then I need to get someone to him that can.
Replies
You can\'t change him. You can only change you. I took care of my father for over a decade, same thing, dementia/Alzheimer\'s. I kept him at home until he beat up my Mom one day and left her looking bruised and beaten. That was it for me and he went to the nursing home because it just wasn\'t safe for him to be in a family environment anymore. He only lived another 6 weeks. Stay strong!
Its easy to say forget him, but there is no way that you will...like you said he is your father but he is not the man that he once was. Mentally or emotionally he has changed and it sounds like not for the better....I guess I\'d tell social services that he\'s endangering himself as he\'s not concerned about eating, so to me he\'s suicidal....take care of yourself....keeping you in my thoughts and prayers....hugs Sandi